


To The Moon And Back

by matchasnow



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-05-28 18:17:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15054977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchasnow/pseuds/matchasnow
Summary: Related Drabbles/One-shot Series for my Hyewon fic, Be My Sun. Cross-posted on AFF.Chapter Index1-2. What Would Change If I Tell You (2jin)3-4. A Truth So Loud You Can't Ignore (Chuuves)5-6. Running From Us (LipSoul)7. Call Me When You Get Home (Yeojin, Hyunjin, Haseul, Vivi)8. I Love You Anyway (2jin)





	1. For A Long Time, I've Always Liked You

**Author's Note:**

> First part of 2Jin arc.

It’s the first day of kindergarten two. Hyunjin is six years old and she has no idea why the boys in her class like hitting each other in the face with those inflatable toy swords. In truth, she doesn’t understand why all of her classmates like running around and playing roughly every end of recess. Since kindergarten one, she’s always preferred to just sit down on one corner of the classroom with a sheet of drawing paper and a handful of crayons.

 

Hyunjin looks around the room. Most of the classmates she had from kinder one are still here, save for that one girl who she used to trade juice boxes with. She sees that there are only two new kids in class this year. Two girls. One is apprehensively watching the group of girls playing tea party near the black board and one is... crying silently by the lockers?

 

Hyunjin stands up, gently calls out to their teacher for help but the young woman is too occupied trying to stop the boys from poking each other’s eyes out. Deciding to take matters into her own hands, Hyunjin picks up her half-finished drawing of Meongmeong (their family dog) and approaches the lonely child.

 

“Hey,” She stands in front of the crying girl who sits on the floor. “Why are you crying?”

 

The girl pays her no mind and just continues to cry.

 

“Are you sad because you miss your mommy?” 

 

The kid keeps on crying. Hyunjin doesn’t let it faze her though.

 

“Are you sad because no one wants to play with you? I’ll play with you!”

 

Still, the kid doesn’t budge.

 

Hyunjin thinks of what she can do to make the girl stop and an idea comes to her. This one always works on her baby cousins when they’re upset so she takes a deep breath and lets out her best bark (and she really does feel proud of her barking because she spent a lot of time learning how to do it from Meongmeong). 

 

It works like magic! The girl stops crying. She looks at Hyunjin and blinks back her tears. 

 

“Bark bark bark bark! Bark!” Beaming, Hyunjin holds her hand out to the new girl.

 

“W-what?” The girl asks, confused.

 

“I just said in dog language that my name is Kim Hyunjin!” Her smile doesn’t waver and the girl can’t stop looking at her. “What’s your name?”

 

“S-Son Hyejoo...” She finally takes her hand and Hyunjin’s smile just grows bigger.

 

“Well, Hyejoo, I just drew this picture of my dog, Meongmeong, but I haven’t finished yet. I think I need help coloring his fur. Do you want to help?”

 

Hyejoo nods slowly and she pulls her up to stand, leads her to her corner where she left her crayons. 

 

The rest of the day goes on like that. Hyunjin made sure that Hyejoo wouldn’t get sad and cry again. By the end of the class, Hyejoo’s sticking very close to her and Hyunjin declares them to be friends. 

 

Hyunjin hadn’t noticed it then but the other new girl had been watching her and Hyejoo the whole time. As she and Hyejoo talk about which way their houses are, the other girl comes to them. 

 

“Are you both going that way?” The other girl asks, points straight ahead to the main street.

 

Hyunjin looks at her from head to toe, takes note of the pink Sailor Moon backpack she has and the thick-rimmed eyeglasses sliding down the bridge of her little nose. She seems nice, Hyunjin thinks but she still looks to Hyejoo (who only looks back at her blankly) first before she nods to the girl.

 

“I’m going that way too! Can I tag along with you?” She flashes the two of them a shy smile.

 

Hyunjin looks at Hyejoo again and she  gives her a small nod this time.

 

“Sure!” Hyunjin finally says. “I’m Hyunjin and she’s Hyejoo.”

 

“Mhmm. My name’s Heejin. Nice to meet you both.” As the shy smile from before transforms to a very bright and pretty one, Hyunjin doesn’t miss the way Heejin’s eyes sparkle like stars even with her thick glasses in the way.

 

Later, when Hyunjin gets home, she draws her two new friends.

 

**& &**

 

Years pass and Hyunjin outgrows pigtails and coloring books (she had started wearing her long hair down in 3rd grade and had bought her first sketchbook with her own money by 4th grade). Over the past summer alone, she’s lost most of her baby fat and has had a growth spurt. In fact, Heejin, who used to be the tallest among the three of them, now only stands up to her ears.

 

Speaking of, her friends did change a bit too. Hyejoo finally grew tired of her bob cut and grew her hair out. Heejin got new glasses with a smaller frame and lenses that are a little less thick. On top of that, Hyunjin noticed that Hyejoo actually smiles at people in greeting nowadays instead of just standing awkwardly behind her and Heejin. And Heejin… well, Heejin’s still the same. Bright, warm, confident and caring.

 

Between Hyejoo who’s shy and chic and Heejin who’s friendly and out-going, Hyunjin isn’t sure how she fits in.

 

She hadn’t put that much thought into it when she was younger but now that she’s going into her teenage years, she wonders how the three of them even became friends in the first place when they’re all so different. But the past seven years proved to her that it’s not about having things in common. She’s not really sure what it’s about just yet but it’s alright because she doesn’t have to know. She just has to make sure to keep Heejin and Hyejoo close and treasure everything they have. 

 

Time had passed so fast for them but everything remains vivid in her memories. Like, she could close her eyes and and she can recall how exhilarating it was to pass notes to each other in class when their teacher is not looking. She laughs out loud at that one time they got caught and had to stand in the hallway with their arms above their heads. She remembers in detail the weekends they spent biking in the park (Heejin scratched her knee once and she and Hyejoo tried carrying her to the hospital but they only got as far as the convenience store so they decided to buy some cute band-aids and eat ice cream instead). And the rainy days, and some sunny days, they had spent playing videogames at Hyejoo’s house (Hyejoo’s house is always a fun experience because there’s so much to do and so much food to eat). With their differences, they’ve been through a lot together. There’s just no way they’ll be going through the rest without each other. 

 

Hyunjin knows her friends feel the same. So when Heejin asks her how she feels about Hyejoo going to a different school for middle school all she says is “We’ll be alright.”

 

Heejin looks at her quietly with her eyes that always carry so much emotion.

 

“C’mon, Heejin, Hyejoo’s new school is just right in front of ours!” Hyunjin tries to cheer her up. “We might not be in the same class or school as her anymore but she isn’t going far. We can still walk home together like always!”

 

“That’s true. But I’m still worried about her.” Heejin says.

 

“Hyejoo got braver since the first time we met. She won’t be crying in the back of the classroom anymore.” Hyunjin reasons.

 

“Yeah, any more than she’s gonna make friends.” Heejin points out. 

 

“Are you worried that they won’t like her? That they’ll bully her?” Hyunjin asks.

 

Heejin nods slowly. 

 

Heejin worries a lot about Hyejoo, Hyunjin noticed. She does too. Because Hyejoo is their youngest and even though she’s growing taller everyday, she’s still like a baby.

 

Hyunjin’s not sure what to do but she doesn’t like seeing Heejin frown so she takes her hand in hers and gives it a squeeze.

 

“I know someone in her school. I’ll ask them to keep an eye on her, okay?”

 

The uneasiness they feel disappears within a week. It’s after school on a Friday and the three of them are on their way to their favorite ice cream place. Hyejoo’s white and navy blue uniform stands out against Heejin and Hyunjin’s grey ones.

 

“Are the kids in your class nice?” Heejin is the one who brings up the topic.

 

“I already told you they’re okay, Heejin.” Hyejoo replies, looking at her with her usual bored gaze.

 

Hyunjin walks faster so she’s on Heejin’s other side. “Is Jaemin looking out for you? You know, I asked him to.”

 

“Uhh, yeah, I don’t know why you did but he’s alright, I guess.” Hyejoo answers, as she busies herself with her phone and walks ahead of them, probably letting her mom know of her whereabouts.

 

Heejin rounds on Hyunjin as soon as Hyejoo is far enough. “You asked a boy?”

 

“Well, Jaemin was the one who I know from that school and he’s actually in the same class with Hyejoo.” Hyunjin shrugs.

 

Heejin narrows her eyes at her. 

 

“Boys are dangerous and not to be trusted.” Hyunjin feels something weird stirring in her chest at that look. “Where do you even know him from?”

 

“We’re neighbors and we play soccer together!”

“I’m telling you, Kim Hyunjin, boys are dangerous. Don’t hang around them too much.” The weird feeling grows a little stronger and she feels a tad bit lighter. Could Heejin be worried about her?

 

“But why?” She asks.

 

“Because my mom says so!” Heejin exclaims.

 

“If you’re worried that I might want Jaemin to be my boyfriend, you’re worrying about nothing.” Hyejoo speaks up so suddenly it catches them both by surprise. They didn’t even know she was still listening.

 

“He’s a good kid but I don’t like him that way.” Hyejoo continues, looks pointedly at Hyunjin as if she’s sorry to her.

 

“What boyfriend? Who said anything about boyfriends?” Heejin starts panicking. “We’re too young for love!”

 

Hyunjin feels too many emotions all at once - relief, disappointment, and a tinge of jealousy. Of course, Heejin’s reacting like this because it’s about Hyejoo. Cool and chic but naive, Hyejoo.

 

“Says the girl who already got two love letters from that boy in class 7-2.” Hyunjin mumbles before she can stop herself.

 

Heejin throws a glare at her and she laughs in response.

 

“You got two love letters already?” Hyejoo turns on Heejin, taken aback.

 

“She burned them so she can’t show you.” Hyunjin answers despite the hand wrapping around her neck.

 

“You better shut your mouth now, Kim Hyunjin!” Heejin hisses in her ear. 

 

Hyunjin feels the hair on the back of her neck standing up, feels her heart beating really fast in her chest. She slowly removes Heejin’s hand from her neck and wraps them in her own. She likes to think it’s a wrist-lock to keep Heejin’s hands off of her but no, it’s not. Really.  

 

Hyejoo whistles to get their attention and points to the ice cream place just across from where they stand. 

 

“Are we getting ice cream or not?” She asks.

 

Heejin huffs, pulls her hand free from her grasp and she watches her run up to Hyejoo and link arms with her. Hyunjin bites her lips, confused at the unfamiliar emotions she’s feeling.

 

Just then, Hyejoo calls for her and she decides that Heejin is right. They’re still too young for love. She shouldn’t concern herself with that yet. And so Hyunjin catches up to her friends and they take the crosswalk together, laughing and talking without a care as they go.

 

Later that night, Hyunjin draws her two friends at the crosswalk. The image of Heejin running towards Hyejoo burned fresh in her memory like it happened five minutes prior instead of hours ago. She didn’t know why.

 

**& &**

 

Fortunately, not one of them gets a boyfriend. Not even Heejin (much to Hyunjin’s relief). Middle school had ended and they’re thrown right into high school. Hyejoo managed to convince her parents to send her to the same one Heejin and Hyunjin are going to. It wasn’t that hard because it’s a good school with graduates having a high acceptance rate in universities in Seoul. So, now, here they are.

 

Hyunjin’s gotten taller and weirder (she’ll never stop barking). Her sketches are continuously improving and she knows her way around a brush now. She thinks she wants to keep on pursuing art even in the future. That is if sports doesn’t get in the way. It wasn’t meant to happen, really, but she figured she could run fast, jump high, and aim good (unlike Heejin, she had clear eyesight). She might have went a little too crazy over this discovery and signed up for three different teams (although she’s considering dropping basketball now).  

 

Hyejoo, on the other hand, has gotten prettier and cooler (how that was even possible, Hyunjin doesn’t know). Since the start of the school year, she’s had a lot of opportunity to socialize with more people after getting into the school’s track team (Hyunjin’s in it too and she can’t be more proud of Hyejoo who’s a really good runner. Everyone calls her Ace!) which is good because Hyunjin and Heejin worry about her less now. She still plays a lot of videogames but her choices became a bit mature (they hardly ever see her not playing League of Legends when they show up at her house).

 

As for Heejin, she’s gotten even brighter and prettier (like really, really, really, really). She got rid of her eyeglasses and switched to contact lenses. Personally, Hyunjin likes Heejin with glasses more but what can she do? Lenses are probably more convenient to use since she won’t have to worry about anything flying off her face and blurring her vision while she’s dancing and skipping and performing. Anyway, Heejin got into the drama club and had quickly became everyone’s favorite understudy. 

 

Her progress in the club was amazing, recognized by both students and teachers. Hyunjin knows that in a year’s time, all everyone will be talking about is Jeon Heejin and how talented and beautiful she is and how they either want to  _ be her  _ or  _ be with her _ . 

 

Hyunjin’s known for a long time that she wants to be the latter. She just wasn’t sure about which reasons had more weight.

 

It all started when she found herself not being able to understand why she hated seeing the sight of boys and girls tripping over themselves to give Heejin gifts and letters and, more often than not, their hearts through their confessions. She knew straight away that she wasn’t jealous of Heejin. But it’s not until they started high school when she realized who she was truly jealous of - she was jealous of them. 

 

She envied how they had the courage to just step in front of the most beautiful girl in the world and tell her how they feel about her as if they can ever deserve her. Hyunjin is mad perplexed at how they do it.

 

She’s known Heejin for a long time. Maybe if she doesn’t count Heejin’s parents and relatives and, well, Hyejoo, she can that say she’s known her the longest. From when Heejin was six up to now that she’s seventeen. 

 

Hyunjin’s seen all sides of her. She’s seen her heartbroken and devastated when they buried her pet bunny, Heekki, when they were 8. She’s seen her cower under a blanket because of the horror movies Hyejoo enjoys making them watch during sleepovers. She’s seen her ecstatic with joy when all of their parents worked together to surprise them with tickets to a Girls’ Generation concert as a graduation gift. 

 

Hyunjin knows her (and Heejin knows her too.) But all these people, they don’t. They don’t know anything about her. 

 

They don’t know how she likes cookies and cream and hates mint chocolate chip with vengeance. They don’t know that her favorite character in Super Smash Bros is Kirby even though she can’t control him well and Hyejoo makes fun of her for it. They don’t know that she likes having her photos taken when she’s not looking but also gets really shy about it. 

 

Hyunjin knows all of that and so much more so she doesn’t understand how these people can think that they can just confess to Heejin and expect to have their feelings returned. And that’s why she envies their courage (or is it foolishness?).

 

The thing is Hyunjin feels hopeless. She’s grown up some more since that time in middle school and now she understands. She likes Heejin more than a friend (for quite some time now, actually) and despite all these time they spent together, all these things they know about each other, there is still no way she’ll deserve her. Because Heejin is a confident girl and she knows what she wants and she gets what she wants. And Hyunjin is not that.

 

There’s a series of rhythmic knocking on her desk and Hyunjin looks up to see the very girl smiling softly at her.

 

“This one told me you don’t have track practice today.” Heejin raises her and Hyejoo’s intertwined hands and giggles delightfully. “So… you wanna help us pick out a present for my grandmother later? We can get tteokbokki after?”

 

Hyunjin blinks because even if there’s no track practice, she has soccer training to worry about. She doesn’t know how but what comes out of her mouth is “Yeah, sure.”

 

Heejin looks so happy that Hyunjin allows herself some time to be delusional and think that it’s because of her. She was the only one who was so distant lately, swamped with too many extracurricular commitments on top of her school work.

 

“Hey, can we go to that ice cream place too? We haven’t been there in a while.” Hyejoo says, looking at Hyunjin first and then at Heejin who was already beaming at her. 

 

“Yeah, let’s do everything we can later!” Hyunjin answers. After she says that, Heejin’s smile at her is so warm she fears she might vaporize.

 

“Really, Hyun?” She has that hopeful look in her eyes too and Hyunjin can’t bear to let her down. She’ll beat up anyone who lets her down. Even herself.

 

Screw soccer practice. If she has to run around the field for an hour, wearing that ‘I’m a loser’ punishment jersey for what she’s about to, then she’ll do it without regrets. 

 

“Of course! I’m all yours for the rest of the day.” She winks and even throws in some finger guns at Heejin to stop the next words from coming out.

 

_ I’m all yours for the rest of the week. For the rest of the month. For the rest of the year. For the rest of forever. I’ve always been just yours and I’ll always be a loser who loves you, Heejin. _

 

It’s a relief that it only took a few seconds for those words to die in her mouth. It’s not like it would change anything but still, Hyunjin would rather that Heejin doesn’t know.

 

As Heejin and Hyejoo leave her to get something from the vending machines, Hyunjin picks up her pencil. This time, instead of drawing her two friends, she draws herself and Heejin with their fingers intertwined (much like how Heejin did, and probably still does, with Hyejoo). When she finishes, she gives herself five minutes to just stare at the drawing and fantasize and wish that things were different. Just five minutes. And then she rips it to shreds, tosses what’s left into a nearby trash can, and goes on like nothing happened. Like she hadn’t just destroyed her own dreams.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the main story line here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031202/chapters/34845755


	2. I Sort Of Still Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2Jin backstory part 2! This turned out a lot longer than I initially expected but I didn't want to split it into smaller parts. Anyway, enjoy and leave comments!

High school is a spectacle, quite literally, for Jeon Heejin. She has spent the last three years starring in both minor and major school productions (often being the lead role) as well as being the subject of some very public love confessions. The latter being something unwanted, extremely cringeworthy, and irritating for her. Some would say that  those two things are similar that they both put on a show of sorts. Like both would warrant eyes to be on Heejin and would usually evoke gasps and applause somewhere in the beginning and the end but that’s it. Heejin always feels embarrassed after a confession (not satisfied and proud of herself for working hard like she feels when performing). 

 

What do people see in her anyway? Hyunjin, her crush, since before she even knew what that word meant, doesn’t even notice her. Maybe this what they call karma. As a punishment for being mean and turning all those people down, the girl she likes won’t ever notice her feelings for her. But it can’t be. Heejin won’t allow it. Even if her crush is dense, Heejin knows she can let her know. But for a lot of reasons (more like excuses), she can’t. Yet. Well, for starters, she wasn’t sure if it was alright to like her in that way. Not to mention the timing right now is a little off. 

 

Being a senior in high school is tiring. It’s too demanding. Everyone is so busy preparing for their futures and that means countless of exams! Exams to graduate and exams to get into good universities after they graduate. After two years of discovery and some fun, they are now forced to focus on reviewers and practice test questionnaires.  

 

Today is one of those days when their classroom is quiet as a graveyard. Most of their classmates had disappeared to the library for free study. The few of them who were left in there are either studying too or trying to get some rest.  

 

As is the case with Hyejoo who’s napping on her desk, using her folded arms as pillows. Heejin thinks that the position she’s in will cause her pain later when she wakes and she wants to bother her for just a bit to lend her a neck pillow or a blanket or something but she doesn’t have the time to do that because Shin Ryujin, from the other class, suddenly taps on their classroom window with a somewhat determined look on her face. 

 

Heejin knows the girl because, aside from being a star member of the dance team, she’s also worked on productions with her.

 

Heejin slowly gets up from her seat, careful to not wake the sleeping Hyejoo (their desks are right next to each other) and heads to the door.

 

“Ryujin?” She tentatively greets her as she steps out on the hallway.

 

“Hey, Heejin!” The girl greets back, spares Heejin a smile before she continues her lowkey frantic looking inside their classroom. “Is, uh, Hyunjin here? Kim Hyunjin?”

 

“Hyunjin?” Heejin says aloud, wondering what Ryujin could want from her friend.

 

“Yeah, I want to talk to her about something.”

 

Heejin wants to ask what that something is but Hyunjin appears at that moment.  She holds three cans of iced coffee in her hands and wears a big innocent smile on her face.

 

“Hey. Is Hyejoo awake? I got us these.” She starts to blabber, fails to notice Ryujin whose confidence has suddenly disappeared and is looking a little red in the face now. 

 

_ Oh? Oh. _

 

Heejin finally understands. 

 

“What are you doing out here?” Hyunjin asks her and Heejin immediately shakes her head in reply.

 

“I think Ryujin has something to say to you, Hyun.” She takes the iced coffee from her and reluctantly walks back inside their classroom.

 

She finds her way to her seat clumsily, bumping Hyejoo’s desk and waking her in the process.

 

“Wh-whut?” Hyejoo lifts her head up. 

 

In the few moments it takes for the younger girl to fully wake up, Heejin’s mind starts going into panic. 

 

“Did something happen, Heejin?”

 

Heejin is barely able to snap out of her daze but she places one of the iced coffees on Hyejoo’s desk.

 

“Hyun got us these.” She says when Hyejoo looks at her in question.

 

“Oh. Where is she? In the library?” 

 

“No. She’s outside.” Heejin answers in a quiet voice as she tries to distract herself with what’s happening by opening her notebook and picking up her highlighter. 

 

“Outside? Doing what?” Hyejoo stands and turns, sees Hyunjin and Ryujin talking in the hallway. 

 

Heejin expects shock, maybe to feel a little less lost but what she gets from Hyejoo is “Oh, okay.”

 

“Did you know anything about that?” Heejin asks, frowning.

 

“Not really. I’ve been noticing Ryujin hanging around the bleachers a lot during track practice.” Hyejoo replies. “But I didn’t know it was for Hyunjin.”

 

And her words carry deeper meaning. 

 

Shin Ryujin is one of the most popular girls in school (probably even more so than Heejin). Her remarkable dancing skills and overall girl crush aura make very attractive points to a lot of people. She’s a fairly good student with above average grades too. A lot say her academic performance would even be better if she weren’t so busy training to be an idol (in JYP! Of all places! Is she god’s favorite child or something?). 

 

It’s not that Heejin’s surprised that Ryujin is taking an interest in Hyunjin. Hyunjin’s a damn great catch and Heejin will fight anyone on this. It’s just that... Hyunjin is… Hyunjin. 

 

She isn’t fuss-inducing like Hyejoo but she still gets on Heejin’s worrywart side. Maybe it’s because she’s too independent. Heejin’s always wanted Hyunjin to rely a bit more on her and Hyejoo. It’s something that only came up since they started high school but she fears that Hyunjin feels like she no longer belongs with them. 

 

Heejin sees it whenever she drags Hyejoo over to the Hyujin’s desk to make after school plans, hears it when she replies  _ sorry, I can’t I have training _ ,  _ sorry, I can’t I have hagwon, _ or  _ don’t you have rehearsals for the play? _ . It happened so often that had become a recurring nightmare, Hyunjin wanting to leave them and making friends of her own. It doesn’t help that it’s something Hyunjin’s totally capable of, given her funny and laid-back nature that just draws people in.  

 

Heejin dares herself to follow Hyejoo’s gaze out the window and thinks. Maybe it’s this warm,  girl-next-door vibe that has caught Ryujin’s attention and she can’t blame her for that. She’s known Hyunjin since they were kids and she knows how lovable and charming she really is. But still… this is a disaster.

 

The said girl finally enters their classsroom and Hyejoo is fast on her tail.

 

“What happened? What did Ryujin say to you? What did you say to her?” She asks as she grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her a little.

 

“Calm down, Hyejoo.” Hyunjin weakly pushes Hyejoo away and then takes her time to get settled on her desk. All the while, Heejin feels as if she’s about to explode.

 

“Well?” Hyejoo presses on.

 

“She… told me she likes me and asked me if I wanted to go out with her some time.” Hyunjin said. Heejin already figured out that much but hearing her say those words aloud still sting.

 

“And?”

 

“I said yes.” Heejin’s world crumbles on its axis. 

 

Her bestfriend. The girl she’s known since she was six. The girl who’s always been next to her. The girl who she’s grown to admire and be fond of more than a friend should. The girl who actually owns her heart without even knowing. Kim Hyunjin. Kim Hyunjin said yes to a girl. And that girl isn’t her.

 

“I mean, I’m not sure if I like her too.” Hyunjin adds. “But… I should give it a try, right?” 

 

Hyejoo nods immediately to that which causes her to turn to Heejin expectantly.

 

“Right, Heejin?” Hyunjin asks when she does not respond.

 

“I don’t know.” Heejin finally says. She tries to be casual about it but her hands are shaking that she has to hide them under her desk.

 

Hyejoo frowns at her and then gives her an incredulous look. 

 

“What do you mean you don’t know? This is Shin Ryujin we’re talking about.” 

 

Her thoughts start to fly at unimaginable speed in her head. What does she say to that? Is there a way of saying  _ Hyunjin can’t  go out with her because she’ll break my heart if she does  _ without sounding creepy and throwing everything into chaos? 

 

Clearly, there isn’t so she just ends up saying “Now just doesn’t seem to be a good time, you know?” 

 

She plays it off with a shrug and avoids Hyunjin’s curious gaze.

 

“I know that we’re all busy with college applications right now but I think that’s even more of a reason why Hyunjin should go out with Ryujin!” Hyejoo points out. “I mean, Hyun’s got a solid portfolio already and that counts more than her exam scores will for the major she wants.”

 

Hyejoo smiles at Hyunjin and gives her a thumbs up. Hyunjin smiles back at her, probably grateful for the support, and that’s when Heejin gives up.

 

“I guess that’s true.” She mumbles.

 

Heejin thinks it takes a week before Hyunjin finally goes on her first date with Ryujin. She isn’t really sure because the concept of time had escaped her since the apocalypse (aka when Ryujin asked Hyunjin out). Things become awkward for her after that. Ryujin casually joins their lunch table and that bars Heejin from any form of skinship with Hyunjin. Heejin thinks the whole dating thing makes it difficult to act like how they used to around each other but being in proximity to Ryujin’s hawkeyes and sharp talons make a very good reinforcement to that idea too. The girl even brought one of her friends with her and Heejin can tell that said friend has the hots for Hyejoo. Thankfully though, Hyejoo doesn’t return (or even notice) the girl’s advances. Heejin would’ve self-combusted if she did. She wouldn’t be able to live through her crush already dating someone and also being the only single person among the three of them. 

 

For some reason, Hyunjin doesn’t really tell her or Hyejoo much about their relationship. Heejin knows they went on even more dates after the first one so she can only assume that it’s good. Graduation draws near and they each receive their acceptance letters. By some stroke of luck, they all get in the national university with their desired majors. It wasn’t much of a surprise for Hyejoo since her grades are outstanding. Still, they’re all very happy with knowing that they’ll be close to each other in the future too.

 

They meet at Hyejoo’s place for a celebratory sleepover just a few nights before their graduation ceremony. It was a fun affair of Xbox games and lots of junk food that reminds Heejin of their younger days, when all of their feelings for each other were a lot simpler and they only cared about what they’re going to have for breakfast in the morning.

 

As they’re all lying on the futons, waiting for sleep to take over, Hyejoo finally brings up the topic of Hyunjin’s love life.

 

“Is it not going to be difficult for you two? I heard, Ryujin has no plans for uni right now.” 

 

Heejiin’s heard of the rumors too (it’d be difficult to find someone in school who hasn’t). Ryujin’s set to debut soon and she’ll be busy with work. She’ll be too busy to even see Hyunjin.

 

Hyunjin is silent for a while. Heejin is too as she waits patiently for her to answer.

 

“The thing is… I don’t think it’s really working out between us?” Hyunjin finally says.

 

Heejin swears her heart skipped a beat at that. Is it bad if she’s a little ecstatic at the thought that Hyunjin is about to break up with her girlfriend?

 

“What? Really?” Hyejoo sounds shocked. She even lifts her head up a little to get a good look at her friend. “I didn't think it was like that. You weren’t saying anything so I thought things were going well.”

 

“It’s… complicated, Hyejoo.” Hyunjin sighs. “It’s fun getting to know her and all but… I don’t think I can like her that way. I can’t even think of calling her my girlfriend, you know?”

 

Heejin’s definitely having a party inside of her right now.

 

“Is there someone else you like then?”

 

Heejin pauses the party, holds her breath in anticipation again.

 

“Yeah. I might have someone.” Hyunjin admits.

 

“ _ Might have someone? _ Are you being secretive now?” Hyejoo reacts somewhat violently.

 

“Shut up!” A pillow flies in Hyejoo’s direction which signals the start of a war. 

 

Heejin is too happy at the turn of things that she picks up a pillow of her own and starts whacking her friends with it. 

 

_ Might have someone. _ It doesn’t even matter who that person is. Heejin just has to make sure she beats them to confessing this time!

 

“What the-” Hyejoo falls back at Heejin’s sudden attack.

 

“You were awake?! OW!” Hyunjin exclaims. There’s a beat of silence and then “HEEBDIN DAB WAD MY NODE!”

 

“Oh my god! I’m sorry!” Heejin sits up and scooches closer to her, hands flying to move Hyunjin’s hands off her face so she can see the damage she did.

 

“Ugh. You fools.” The lights turn on  and they see Hyejoo standing by the door.  I’ll get some ice.” 

 

As soon as Hyejoo goes, Hyunjin lets her hand down so Heejin could see.

 

“It’s very red. I’m so sorry, Hyun.” Heejin winces.

 

Her fingers gently feel the tip of her nose. Goosebumps crawl over her arms in excitement. Finally, she doesn’t have to be guilty about being close to Hyunjin like this. The gaping distance called Ryujin between them is going to disappear soon. Finally, Heejin doesn’t have to hold herself back.  

 

“Nah. It’s okay. It doesn’t really hurt that much.” Hyunjin says, takes her hand and shoots her a smile.

 

Heejin becomes incredibly aware of how close their faces are and she has to look away, blushing. She hears Hyunjin chuckle and sees her smile and just like that, everything falls back in place. Now, all that’s left is for Heejin to gather her courage and confess because she isn’t going to let anyone try and take Hyunjin away from her again.

 

**& &**

 

Gathering that courage is easier said than done, Heejin soon discovers. There are way more factors to consider than she had initially thought there would be.

 

When high school ends, and so does Hyunjin’s relationship with Ryujin, Heejin knows she has to let things blow over for some time because swooping right in might come off too strongly on Hyunjin and she didn’t want to scare her. Would she even accept her feelings? Either way, she doesn’t do anything just yet and instead, she happily spends the break with both her and Hyejoo, doing whatever comes to their minds for a whole month.

 

When university starts, Heejin decides she needs to focus on adjusting to college life first before working on her love life. She’s sure her feelings for her best friend won’t go away. If anything, she feels even more strongly for Hyunjin as each day passes. 

 

She mainly thinks it’s because they have to commute one hour daily, from their houses to uni and back (Hyejoo’s got herself a dorm on campus which she shares with her older cousin, Sooyoung), and that gives them plenty of time to talk about anything and everything. To add to that, sometimes, the two of them would also get dinner on the way and Heejin likes to think of those as mini dates. Heejin reasons that she likes this arrangement too so she lets it be for the time being. 

 

Everything is just ideal. Until it wasn’t. 

 

It’s three months into the semester and everyone’s gotten busier as it’s midterms season. Hyunjin continued where she left off with track from high school and has a more hectic schedule than Heejin and Hyejoo. With training and other things, Hyunjin usually has to be on campus earlier and also has to go home much later, leaving Heejin’s commute lonely and her heart desolate.

 

So now probably  _ still  _ isn’t be a good time to tell Hyunjin about her feelings. Would the right time even come?

 

Heejin is miserable about the whole thing and it’s only natural that Hyejoo would notice.

 

“What’s wrong, Heejin?” The younger girl’s voice is soft, full of worry. 

 

“I’m sad that Hyunjin hasn’t been able to hang out with us lately.” Heejin admits. Her frown deepens and she adds “I’m sorry but don’t think she’s going to make it today either.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t even know why she joined the track team.” Hyejoo thinks aloud. “But I guess it’s because she’s Hyunjin.” 

 

And that’s true. It won’t be like Hyunjin to not be competitive about something. But still, today is special. Can’t she skip training or whatever thing she has to do for just one day? Today is Hyejoo’s birthday, for crying out loud! 

 

“Aww, c’mon, cheer up! I’m okay! You’re here!” Hyejoo says, pokes her on the cheek and smiles warmly like it doesn’t bother her that for the first time in 13 years, their trio is not complete for her birthday.

 

“We still have each other. Hyunjin can catch up with us on another time.” Hyejoo continues and squeezes her hand reassuringly.

 

Heejin finds herself smiling back but weakly. “But it’s your birthday… she should be here.” 

 

Hyejoo shakes her head firmly to say  _ it’s okay, Heejin _ . But no matter which way she looks at it, things don’t seem okay for their friendship (and in extension, her plans to confess her feelings). Maybe Hyunjin’s really leaving them this time. It’s too much and Heejin finally bursts into tears. She throws her arms around Hyejoo. 

 

“It’s not okay!” She cries. “Why does Hyunjin always have to overcommit to things and leave us behind like this? Do we not matter to her anymore?” 

 

Who knows if Hyunjin’s already dating someone again? They wouldn’t. Because Hyunjin hardly ever tells them anything anymore.

 

Hyejoo sighs but lets her warm hand rub circles on Heejin’s back to comfort her. Tears are blurring her vision and it’s getting hard to breathe. But Hyejoo is patient with her and just holds her. 

 

When she’s calmed down, Hyejoo cups her face with her hands, wipes away her tears, and presses a soft kiss to the top of her head.

 

“Don’t be silly, Heejin.” She scolds. Heejin pouts.

 

“You know that’s not true. Hyunjin loves us. She’s just really busy right now.”

 

Heejin takes a deep breath, reminds herself that if anyone should be crying, it should be Hyejoo. She pulls back and when she does, she sees Hyunjin standing a metre away from them.

 

“H-Hyun?” She stammers.

 

Hyunjin just stares at them blankly.

 

“You came!” Hyejoo exclaims, throws her hands up happily.

 

“Y-yeah, I can’t stay long but I… I wanted to give you your birthday present.” She thrusts a beautifully wrapped box in Hyejoo’s hands. “Happy birthday, Hyejoo.”

 

Hyunjin goes just as fast as she appeared. Heejin and Hyejoo don’t hear from her for the rest of the week. When they call or text her, asking to meet up or just asking how she is, all they get is  _ sorry, I’m still busy _ . That persists for a whole month and Heejin starts to think that the right time for her won’t ever come. What’s worse is that she thinks that it did, but she had missed it.

 

**& &**

 

Finals past them by and they’re finally free. They’ve survived their first semester in uni with some casualties, namely, the ambiguous state their friendship with Hyunjin is now. How are things going to be for them over the break? Will they finally get to see her again? What will happen to their winter holiday traditions? She wonders how Hyejoo feels about the whole thing but she never gets the chance to ask because ever since the exams ended, the younger girl couldn’t stop talking about what they could do for the holidays - the highlight being going to Sooyoung’s annual New Year’s Eve party. 

 

It’s something Hyejoo has told them a lot about before even though she’s never been to it, considering that she wasn’t allowed to go for the past two years it was held as she was not of age.

 

“But now I can go! And you  _ and Hyunjin  _ are coming with me!” Hyejoo announces, jumping up on her bed.

 

Heejin has only met Sooyoung a couple of times but she knows that the older girl is a well-known figure on campus. She’s a pretty and influential senior and that probably means her parties are guaranteed to be lit as heck. What else could possibly explain Hyejoo’s excitement?

 

“It’s just going to be amazing. I know it.” Hyejoo eyes are sparkling with excitement, like she knows something will happen the Heejin doesn’t.

 

But Heejin lets it escape her. She couldn’t care less about what’s going to happen at that party. All she cares about is who will be there. Hyunjin. Putting her hurt feelings aside, she misses her. A lot. She’d give anything to see her again. She just sincerely hopes that Hyunjin would show up to this party. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’m making sure Hyunjin,  _ that jerk _ , comes.” Hyejoo says as if she’s read her thoughts.

 

It’s a curious thing but ever since Hyunjin ghosted them, Hyejoo’s been somewhat hostile towards her. At first, Heejin scolded her about it but when she realized that Hyejoo’s probably only doing it for her, she just let her. It’s undeniable that she was the one who hurt the most from their estrangement. Hyejoo has been nothing but helpful to her through it (in her own childish but cute way).

 

“Please say that you’re excited.” Hyejoo pouts.

 

“I am! I just…” Heejin trails off.

 

“You miss her?” Hyejoo asks and Heejin nods. “I do too. I miss Hyunjin too.”

 

“I can’t wait to see her.” She finally admits. 

 

**& &**

 

The bass is too loud and the strobe lights are too damn annoying. There’s also loads of  alcohol and loads more horny college kids grinding on the dance floor. Heejin is reminded of their first uni party all those months ago. 

 

_ Their _ meaning her, Hyejoo and Hyunjin. It was Hyejoo’s first time drinking then and drunk Hyejoo apologizing to a tree she threw up on, on the way home, was something. That was a fun memory but with how things are now, it has become bittersweet. 

 

Heejin shakes her head free of those thoughts to focus on the moment. Hyejoo’s cousin, Sooyoung, is charismatic and makes a good party host. Her girlfriend, Jiwoo, is very soft and nice and follows her everywhere she goes. During her first two hours after arriving, the two keep her company since Hyejoo had left to get Hyunjin (also, drag Hyunjin) out of her house. They make her feel welcome and comfortable despite it being their first meeting (she’s met Sooyoung before but that doesn’t count).

 

But of course, they have to leave her side eventually. When they excuse themselves, Heejin is left by herself. Not wanting to drink or socialize, she escapes to the balcony (Sooyoung’s parents own a really fancy penthouse apartment). Luckily, no one was there so Heejin gets to enjoy some peace and quiet.

 

She pulls her phone out of her pocket and notices the time. It’s nearing midnight. A lot has happened this year. Heejin hates to think of what will happen for the coming one. Will she and Hyejoo really be spending it without Hyunjin? 

 

The sliding door to the balcony opens and Heejin turns, expecting to see Hyejoo or even some random person but not  _ her _ . Not Hyunjin.

 

She feels a dozen emotions brewing inside of her at once. She did want to see her but she never said she was ready to. What is she even going to say to her now?

 

“So you finally decide to show up, huh?” Her mouth decides on that. 

 

“Yeah.” Hyunjin says, walks to where she is, stands next to her by the railing. “Hyejoo was quite close to putting a sack over my head and throwing me inside the trunk of her parents’ car, you know?”

 

Hyunjin has a light smile on her face and although she missed that face and that beautiful smile she wants so much to sock her in the mouth or something.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that she didn’t. Just so you know, I gave her permission to do whatever it takes to get you to come.” Heejin settles for that and raises her chin in the air, trying to let know that she’s upset.

 

Hyunjin chuckles. “You miss me that much?”

 

“That’s what you got from that?” She asks, incredulous.

 

Hyunjin shrugs. “Would you prefer that I ask ‘does Hyejoo do everything you tell her to’ instead?”

 

“No, I would not but to answer that, yes, because unlike someone else, Hyejoo actually cares about me and wants me to be happy.” Heejin chooses to be petty still (she does have the right to) but it has an unexpected effect on Hyujin this time.

 

Her eyebrows furrow and her nostrils flare. “Oh, you think I don’t care about you and don’t want you to be happy?” She fires and Heejin, naturally has to fire back.

 

“Maybe if you haven’t ghosted us without a proper explanation other than  _ I’m still busy _ , I wouldn’t have thought that way.” She tries to lace it with as much venom and spite as she can but it still comes out soft and sulky. Who was she kidding? She can’t hate her.

 

Still, Hyunjin visibly flinches at.

 

“That hurt a lot, Hyun.” Her voice drops to a whisper as her eyes begin to water.

 

“Honestly,” Hyunjin starts, matches Heejin’s volume. “It hurt a lot too. Seeing the two of you like that.”

 

“Like what?” She asks.

 

“Like you were totally fine without me.”

 

That’s all it takes for her to finally snap. “Are you fucking blind? We weren’t! I wasn’t!” 

 

Her tears fall and she grabs on the hem of Hyunjin’s sweater and shakes her as violently as she can (which isn’t very violent at all). 

 

“I was in tears the last time you saw me because I was so damn worried that you’re starting to drift away from us for real.” She cries, grabbing onto Hyunjin tighter..

 

Hyunjin blinks. “Y-you were crying because of that?”

 

“Why else would I be crying?” She hits her once on the arm and Hyunjin can’t seem to look her in the eye anymore.

 

“I thought you confessed to Hyejoo and Hyejoo said she likes you too?” She answers sheepishly.

 

But no matter how cute and endearing she looks right now, Heejin is still mad. “No! Why the fuck would you think that?”

“It just seemed like that. You were always worried about her and you always doted on her. I just thought… Don’t you have feelings for her?” Hyunjin tries to match her rage again but Heejin isn’t going to get beat this time. 

 

This time, she’s going to explode so with all her strength and rage and courage she screams.

 

“No! You fucking idiot! I don’t have feelings for her! have feelings for  _ you _ !” 

 

Hyunjin’s jaw drops and eyes grow comically wide in shock. God, she knew she was dense but she can’t take this anymore. She runs the few steps between them and tackles the taller girl into a tight hug, hoping that her actions will get her feelings across better. Hyejoo is their friend and Heejin will always want to protect her but she isn’t the one who makes her heart flutter or makes her smile in spite of everything difficult that goes on in her life. Hyejoo wasn’t the one who captured Heejin’s heart that one fateful day in kindergarten. It was Hyunjin and it will always be her.

 

“How could you think I liked Hyejoo? It has always been you from the very start, Kim Hyunjin. You’re such an idiot.” It comes out muffled on Hyunjin’s shoulder and Heejin’s tears are getting her sweater wet.

 

Silence falls between them. Heejin pulls back so she can Hyunjin’s face. They end up staring at each other for some time but it doesn’t change the fact that Heejin is so done. Mind made up, she steels herself and prepares for the worst.

 

“I’m giving you five seconds. If you don’t say anything or push me away after that, I am going to kiss you.” She takes a deep breath. “One, two, thr-”

 

But she never gets to finish because Hyunjin is the one who closes the gap between them this time and captures her lips in a kiss.

  
Fireworks burst in the sky and muffled screams from the party inside could be heard as the clock hits midnight. Heejin thinks she couldn’t have picked a better time to finally confess as their lips pull at each other in a shy but desperate way. It was a long and frustrating journey of toeing the lines between friendship and romance. They’ve both been idiots but finally,  _ finally  _ these two idiots can call each other their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaay! That's one backstory down. Chuuves will be up next. However, I regret to inform y'all that the next updates, both for this and for Be My Sun, will take a little longer. I mean, I should work on my other stories (i've a napink story that's not x-posted here) if I don't want my other readers to hate me. >//< So that's that. See y'all next time!


	3. Fate That We Can't Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chuuves in the house! First off, I'd like to apologize for the length but it's impossible to make it shorter without keeping in the essentials. I couldn't chop it in smaller parts either because I thought it might ruin the flow. Just please bear with the length. Again, I am sorry. I'll try to keep the next part to around 4K words only.

Ha Sooyoung had her life mapped out since she was 17. Her plan was to study her butt off in high school so she can get into the best Seoul university, take one year of classes from there and then fly off to London where she will finish her Bachelor’s and jump right into Master’s. Once she gets her MBA, she’ll take over her grandfather’s multimillion business empire and _BOOM! Youngest lesbian CEO in the world._ It’s simple enough. Or so she thought.

 

She graduates high school and gets in the national university without a hitch. But things get thrown off from there. She hadn’t known that uni would be… like this. Nobody told her that it would offer this freedom and pleasure. Parties almost everyday. Departmental outings every weekend. Drinking in bars. Dancing in clubs. Kissing and touching girls behind locked doors. It’s like all the fun she swore off during her younger years had come for her now.

 

Sooyoung’s plan was simple. It should’ve been but she failed to factor in her affinity for fun (she’s only 21 after all). So now, here she is, blinking her eyes in unbelief at her calculus professor.

 

“I’m not sure if I heard you right, professor. Remedial summer classes?” She clarifies.

 

The professor looks back at her, unfazed. “You heard me right, miss Ha. Remedial summer classes.”

 

“See, here, sir. I aced all of the exams. I also got the highest score on the final project. Why do I have to take remedials?” She tries to reason.

 

The professor adjusts his glasses on the bridge of his nose as he pulls out an old fashioned record book from his desk drawer. “I thought I made it quite clear from the very start that the only thing I am strict on is the class attendance, miss Ha.”

 

He flips through the record book, stabs a finger to Sooyoung’s name when he locates it. “Maximum six absences as per the university rule on attendance.”

 

“I only have six! I kept track, sir!” She insists.

 

“Ah, but I think you are forgetting that three lates is equivalent to one absence.” He says, a bit smugly.

 

Sooyoung screws her eyes shut to suppress the sudden urge for murder. The last one was when she had been held back by Jinsol because she asked her for her opinion on a girl she made out with. _Goddamit, Jinsol._

 

“Do you understand now?”

 

Sooyoung sighs. “Is there any other way to work around it, sir?”

 

“No, there isn’t.” He says firmly. “I believe in the age old principle of an eye for an eye, you see. It’s final. Attend the summer remedial classes without exceeding the maximum absences and I will give you a passing grade. Get a perfect attendance and I will give you the grade your performance deserves. You may go now.”

 

Sooyoung drags her feet as she heads for the door.

 

“Oh, and miss Ha?”

 

Hope quickly rises in her and she turns her head so fast that her neck makes a popping sound.

 

“While you’re at it, help your friend, miss Jung, to actually pass this time. I’ll see you both in class in a week.”

 

She’s let down just as quickly.

 

Sooyoung really does try not to slam the door behind her but she’s just so frustrated right now. Jinsol’s leaning against the opposite wall, waiting for her with a wide grin that rubs salt all over her wounds.

 

“Cheer up, bud. At least, we’ll be together.” Her friend says, throws an arm around her shoulder as she leads her down the hallway.

 

Sooyoung huffs angrily at this major setback to her plans. Not only is a fucking conditional grade in the way of her transfer to London, but she also has to stay for a whole six weeks on campus to attend remedial classes. The worst part is she knows she doesn’t have anyone to blame but herself. Like she’s really never going to hear the end of this from her sister.

 

**& &**

 

Jiwoo still can’t believe that she’s been accepted to SNU’s visual arts program. It isn’t official yet but she knows she’s as good as in. The thing is, she might’ve been too invested on building her portfolio that she had neglected her grades a little that it’s below the cut-off requirement (just a smidge). Fortunately though, the admissions office still gave her a chance. All she needs to do is go through the summer bridge program.

 

Her excitement couples with anxiety as she walks past unfamiliar buildings and intimidating colleges kids. Jiwoo thinks how it would’ve been great to have Jungeun with her today but she didn’t want to impose on her, since she doesn’t have to attend bridge like she does. And really, Jungeun’s already helped a lot by sending her all necessary info (it must be nice to be dating someone in the same university who’s a year ahead).

 

Jiwoo consults the campus map on her phone and figures out where she’s supposed to go. She gets there in a little less than five minutes but by that time, some students have already arrived, exchanging names and talking loudly with their seatmates.

 

Feeling nervous about not knowing anyone, she picks a seat at the back. She regrets it almost immediately, seeing how far she is from the whiteboard, so she gets up to occupy the seat on the following row instead. But she stops when two tall girls beat her to it.

 

They’re facing away from her and she can only look at their back profiles blankly.

 

“... are they fucking serious though? They’re combining the remedial classes with the bridge?” The brunette says to the blonde one.

 

“Chill, Hasoo. Budget cuts aren’t new. And really, how bad can it be?” The blonde says with a shrug.

 

At that moment, she sees Jiwoo looking their way through the corner of her eye and gives her a polite smile. Flustered, she quietly panics (gay panics). The girl is pretty, with big sparkling eyes and thin pinkish lips. She recovers in time to smile back. Just then, the professor enters and the pretty blonde girl turns to the front. Jiwoo completely abandons her plans of changing seats.

 

The class starts with a lengthy discussion of the course outline and class policies and an even lengthier explanation of why the mathematics department has decided to combine bridge takers with special remedial takers (aka students with awfully close to passing grades but still fell short because of one thing or another). It’s just like what Jiwoo heard the two girls talking about.

 

“...it may be unconventional but we’re hoping to evoke a sense of responsibility from our older students to help the incoming freshmen. With that said, I will now assign you into pairs.”

 

The upperclassmen make noises of disapproval but the professor ignores them and proceeds.

 

“Kang Yaebin and Kim Minkyung.”

 

Jiwoo patiently waits for her name to be called.

 

“Kim Jiwoo and... Jung Jinsol?” She slowly raises her hand, sees the blonde girl also raise hers.

 

_Oh?_

 

Jinsol looks at her and smiles again before she pats the empty seat on her other side. Jiwoo gets up from her seat and comes to her.

 

“Hello, young one! My name’s Jung Jinsol. I’m majoring in dance.” She greets her enthusiastically, holds out a dainty hand for her to shake.

 

“Oh, yes. Nice to meet you. I’m Kim Jiwoo. I’m in visual arts.” Jiwoo replies, takes the hand and tries to match the older girl’s enthusiasm.

 

Her eyes stray just a little bit to Jinsol’s other side, to get a glimpse of her friend and-

 

Her jaw nearly drops to the floor because if she thinks Jinsol is pretty, her friend is _drop-dead gorgeous._

 

She doesn’t want to compare them because that would be difficult since they have different charms. But it’s as if Jinsol has a warm, pretty, and kind unnie vibe whereas her friend gives off chic, cold, femme fatale charms. She looks like she walked off the pages of W Korea and Jiwoo can’t tear her eyes off her.

 

“Oh, right. Jiwoo, this is my bestie, Sooyoung. She’s a business major.” Jinsol says.

 

Sooyoung meets her eyes and Jiwoo feels as though she could melt.

 

“Oh, hello.” She says, averts her gaze to anywhere but at Sooyoung.

 

_Even her name is pretty._

 

“Yeah, hi.” The older girl greets back. Jiwoo thinks she smiles (more like smirks) a little at her. Well, she isn’t sure and she’s too scared to check.

 

Thankfully though, Jinsol grabs her friend’s attention. “Who’d you get assigned to? I wasn’t listening.”

 

“I didn’t catch the kid’s name but that’s her over there.” Sooyoung replies, points to a student sitting near the front.

 

“Oh my god. Tall, hot one?” Jinsol gasps, her mouth forming an O.

 

Jiwoo doesn’t want to judge because, for all she knows, she might’ve looked like that when she saw Sooyoung.

 

The two friends exchange looks some more before Sooyoung’s eyes land on her again (she swears she was a hair-breadth away from spontaneous combustion).

 

“Do you want to ask if we can switch?” Sooyoung suggests in a monotone voice.

 

“You’ll take Jiwoo?” Jinsol, on the other hand, sounds rather grateful.

 

“Uhmm,” Jiwoo raises her hand, wants to be included in the conversation since it’s her they’re talking about.

 

“No, girl, trust me. It’s better for you to go with Sooyoung.” Jinsol says, pats Sooyoung on the shoulder once. “She would’ve gotten an A- in this class if not for excessive absences. I, on the other hand, totally flunked. Tanked big time, you know?”

 

“That’s because you didn’t even try. You’re pretty good with maths.” Sooyoung mumbles.

 

“Shush.” Jinsol hisses at her then turns to Jiwoo again. “Are we good?”

 

Jiwoo doesn’t know what to say so she nods and smiles, ducks her head when she catches Sooyoung’s eye again. And yes, she’s definitely smiling at her.

 

**& &**

 

Something changed when she saw Jiwoo. Sooyoung isn’t quite sure what it is yet. She just knows it happened and it happened fast. One moment, she was dreading how the next six weeks would be for her and in the next, she’s wondering how someone could be so damn beautiful and bright that it’s surely a threat to the sun. Needless to say, it left a lasting impression on her (try two whole fucking sleepless nights).

 

It’s weird because Sooyoung’s had her fair share of girls - soft girls, bad girls, and good girls. It’s not as much as Jinsol had, but still, she can say that she has a way with women. She goes through them quickly, too. Like, she’d be at a party and if she finds an attractive girl there, she’d either be making out with her by the end of the night or not do anything and forget about it the next day. She’s never even had a relationship that lasted more than a week. It was just how it was so imagine what it’s like to find that she still can’t get Jiwoo off her mind even though the girl is right next to her.

 

She steals a glance at her and tries to figure out what it is about her that commands her attention so much. Is it the half moon eyes? Is it the cute nose? Or the lips that always stretch to the world’s most beautiful smile? Sooyoung doesn’t know and she fears finding out that it’s everything about her. Because if it is, then that means she’s in big trouble.

 

“Sooyoung unnie.” Jiwoo softly calls, leans closer to her so she can show her what she’s working on the exercise sheet. Sooyoung holds her breath for a second at the proximity. Jiwoo’s eyelashes are long and thick and what is that sweet fruity smell? Strawberries and cream?

 

“I’m not sure what to do here. Can you explain it to me?” Jiwoo looks up at her, eyebrows meeting and teeth biting on her lip in frustration. It’s not supposed to be anything but Sooyoung wants so much to take her face in her hands and just gush at her.

 

But that would be weird so she sits up straighter on her chair and looks at the worksheet instead of at Jiwoo.

 

“Okay,” She pulls out her own exercise sheet, shows her solution to the younger girl. “See, it’s similar to what we did in the third problem but instead of doing the exact same thing, you have to do this…”

 

Sooyoung gets to the details of solving the problem, feels proud of herself for being able to do so in front of her crush.

 

_Ah, right. Crush._

 

That’s what this is. A simple crush. A crush to make her feel less stressed. A crush she can draw some motivation from to finish the six weeks of burdensome remedial classes. And a crush that will be nothing more. It can’t be more because she can’t afford any distractions when she’s got London and her future to worry about. _Youngest lesbian CEO in the world!_

 

“Ahh!” Jiwoo exclaims when she finishes explaining. The younger girl bows her head quickly, feeling embarrassed for making noise in the library. “Sorry.”

 

Sooyoung smiles at her for being adorable. “Do you get it now?”

 

“I do.” Jiwoo nods.

 

“Try solving the next ones for practice.”

 

“I will.” Jiwoo throws her a grateful smile and gets to work again while Sooyoung tries not to ogle at the look of concentration on her pretty face.

 

**& &**

 

The library’s AC unit is broken today. They knew none of them would get any studying done in there but with midterms around the corner, they just can’t skip for something as trivial so they end up in a cafe close to the campus. And now, Jiwoo stands to the side near the order counter, frantically searching her wallet for cash. It was supposed to be a regular study session so she didn’t think of bringing much money with her.

 

“Whatchu doin?” She looks up from her wallet and sees Jinsol bending to her eye-level.

 

Embarrassed, she jumps back a little. It’s the little things like this that make her realize how awfully young she is compared to her two new friends. It’s not like she’s intentionally trying to look mature and cool in front of them (Chaewon would probably hit her on the head if she ever does) but she wants to give off a nice impression to them (Sooyoung being her first college crush and all).

 

“You don’t have money? That’s okay. You can just charge it on Sooyoung.” Jinsol says simply, smiles that same charming smile.

 

Jinsol’s very direct but in a non-offensive and quite lovable way, Jiwoo realizes. But that doesn’t mean she’ll just let this slide.

 

“Unnie! I can’t! I-I shouldn’t.” She retaliates because she not about to mooch off on someone and especially not on Sooyoung.

 

Jinsol shakes her head at her

 

“No, listen. This place is pricey and we were the ones who picked it so you shouldn’t have to pay for anything here! And really, Sooyoung won’t mind. Her family’s loaded so she always has a lot of cash on her.” Jinsol caps off her speech with a wide grin to dismiss the matter but Jiwoo still feels apprehensive.

 

“What do you guys want?” Sooyoung appears at her other side, standing tall and looking gorgeous in a high-waist shorts and a cropped tee.

 

Jiwoo might have stared far too long than what was necessary but she catches herself in time to hear Jinsol say told you so before she turns to Sooyoung and says you know my usual. Sooyoung nods in reply to that and Jinsol walks away to find a table for them.

 

With it just being the two of them by the counter, Jiwoo feels incredibly shy. Like it’s her first time meeting her again. Never mind that they’ve been studying together for weeks now.

 

“What do you want, Jiwoo?” Maybe Sooyoung senses it because she tries to ease her with a smile and a hand on her shoulder. “Go on. Say it.”

 

“I, uh, I’ll have whatever you’re having, Sooyoung unnie.” Jiwoo finally says.

 

“Mhmm. Cool. You sure though? ‘Cause I’m getting a peach iced tea.”

 

She bites back a smile. It’s probably childish but are they soulmates or what? They have the same tastes!

 

“I’m positive.” She replies, feels her shyness get devoured by a hurricane of fluffy emotions inside of her.

 

“And food? Wait. Lemme guess. Something sweet with strawberries?” Sooyoung looks her in the eye.

 

“How’d you know?” And the hurricane intensifies.

 

The older girl freezes for a second, like she got caught, and then chuckles. “I might’ve caught a glimpse of what you look at on your phone when we’re on break.”

 

She plays it off with a laugh but deep inside she feels as if her heart is about to burst. Sooyoung pays attention to her? Maybe not as much as she pays attention to her but still. _Oh my god._

 

Jiwoo breathes and shakes her head a little. No. It’s nothing. She isn’t going to read too much into it but this is definitely going in her diary entry later. _Ack._

 

“I can take care of this. Go sit with Jinsol.” Sooyoung says to her when she’s become too quiet.

 

“Nah. I think I’ll help you with the tray first, unnie.” Jiwoo takes a bold step closer to her and smiles at her.

 

“Yeah, okay.” Sooyoung mumbles and it’s her turn to shyly look away.

 

**& &**

 

“So Sooyoung unnie finally has a serious crush, huh?”

 

Sooyoung spares her kid cousin, Hyejoo, a look (the kid part is arguable because Hyejoo’s going on to her high school senior year this coming fall).

 

“She does, Hyejoo.” Jinsol replies in a firm tone. “She hasn’t even so much as touched another girl since we started summer classes. I’m telling you it’s because of her study buddy, Jiwoo.”

 

They’re at that ice cream parlor near Jinsol’s apartment, sitting by the curb and eating waffle cones as they watch cars and skaters pass by the small street. This is something the three of them do once in a while because Hyejoo is fond of Jinsol unnie (more than she is with Sooyoung) and likes spending time with her. With Sooyoung being the youngest in her family and Hyejoo being an only child in hers, the closest thing they both have to a big sister and a baby sister is each other. Honestly, Sooyoung would give Hyejoo anything she asks for.

 

Sooyoung reminds herself this as she withstands the slander from her supposed best friend and her favorite cousin (which she basically had no choice over because Hyejoo’s her only cousin).

 

“It’s weird but I hope it’s just that and not that she’s losing her game.” Jinsol continues, winces for effect.

 

“I can hear you two dumbasses talking about me.” Sooyoung finally speaks, bites into her ice cream aggressively.

 

“You got any pictures of this Jiwoo?” Hyejoo presses on, completely ignoring what she just said.

 

“Jinsol, don’t you dare.” Sooyoung warns.

 

“Jinsol, don’t you dare.” But she only repeats what she says mockingly and then laughs.

 

Sooyoung glares at Jinsol the whole while she finishes her cone because she does it too happily, clearly enjoying this.

 

“Eh, as if I would have pictures of Jiwoo. Your cousin would break my phone over my head if I tried to take some.” Jinsol finally says and shrugs which causes Hyejoo to gasp.

 

“Damn, ma, is it that serious?”

 

“Hyejoo, this is a verbal conversation.” Sooyoung points out, swats away Jinsol who’s now trying to get a lick off her cone. “I’m concerned now. Do you even leave your house these days?”

 

“I’m out right now!” Hyejoo frowns and puffs her cheeks out. “And who cares about that? It’s summer vacation and I don’t have to go anywhere. I have everything I need at home. Heejin and Hyunjin come by everyday too.”

 

Jinsol’s ears perk up at that. “Just Heejin and Hyunjin? There aren’t other ladies?”

 

Sooyoung groans. “Ugh. Please, Jinsol, spare her. She’s a baby.”

 

“I am not!” Hyejoo stomps her feet on the concrete, nearly drops what’s left of her strawberry ice cream.

 

“So are you crushing on someone?” Jinsol asks, manages to sneak a couple of licks from the youngest’s cone.

 

“No!” She exclaims, waves her free hand frantically to deny the allegation.

 

“Told you.” Sooyoung deadpans, focuses on eating before Jinsol can try and steal from her again.

 

“Aww, don’t sweat it, baby wolf.” Jinsol caresses Hyejoo’s hair, shoots Sooyoung a playful look. “It’s cool because it’s not all fun. Look at your cousin here. She’s got it bad but she can’t act on it.”

 

“Why not?” Hyejoo asks, turns to Sooyoung who can’t decide if she wants to finish her ice cream or stuff what’s left in Jinsol’s mouth to shut her up.

 

“Unnie, why not?” She asks again.

 

“Because she’s leaving for London. That’s why.” Jinsol shrugs, gives her a sorry not sorry look.

 

“Oh, that’s still a thing?” Hyejoo sounds surprised.

 

“What do you mean that’s still a thing?” Sooyoung raises an eyebrow at her.

 

“It’s just that I haven’t heard you talk about it in a while so I thought you changed your mind.” Hyejoo shrugs.

 

It becomes silent for some time as the two of them finish their ice creams. But as soon as they finish, Hyejoo speaks her mind again.

 

“Tell me this though, what’s so great about London? I mean, it doesn’t have me or Jinsol unnie or… or Jiwoo.” Hyejoo smiles and wiggles her eyebrows at her.

 

Jinsol chuckles. “That’s what I’ve been telling her!”

 

“But honestly, unnie, I really don’t think auntie and uncle would mind. Gayoung unnie didn’t go abroad for uni and they’re okay with it. Also, you’re obviously their favorite kid - don’t tell unnie I said that. Anyway, they’ll let you do whatever so just stay here with us.” Hyejoo concludes.

 

Sooyoung takes a deep breath and smiles weakly at her, silently wishing that it could be that simple but it’s not. This plan had been set for a long time. It’s her dream and her family’s rooting for her to come through on it. Her application’s underway, too, with just a couple of things to follow. Hyejoo and Jinsol might be onto something but Sooyoung knows that this is what she has to do.

 

“I’ve wanted this for a long time, Hyejoo.” She lets out a breath, pats her on the back.

 

“Things you want can change. What if… what if it’s meant to be? You failing calc and meeting Jiwoo? That could be fate telling you not to go.” Hyejoo tries to argue.

 

Sooyoung blinks for a moment. No, that’s not it. She shakes her head to clear herself of such thoughts..

 

“I’ve thought about so much and there’s just a lot of reason for me to go.” Sooyoung says with finality.

 

Hyejoo nods slowly like she accepts it and she’s relieved for a second until she looks at her with those wide innocent eyes and asks. “Way more than there are reasons for you to stay?”

 

Jinsol quietly stares at her from Hyejoo’s other side, patiently waits for her answer too.

 

A sigh escapes Sooyoung. It would be easier if she doesn’t have to leave these people behind. Still, she’s made it this far and she isn’t going to stop now. She can’t stop now. Not when she has a lot to prove. So even if a part of her is starting to want to, it’s too late to back out.

 

 

Jinsol knows this and shows it when she gives her a side-hug. “Hey, we’ll still support you whatever happens, Hasoo.”

 

 

Sooyoung smiles at her. “I know you guys will. Thanks.”

 

“It’s too bad about you and Jiwoo though.” Hyejoo says. Sooyoung laughs but does not have the heart to disagree.

 

**& &**

 

The first wave of bridge exams are over and Jiwoo is beyond relieved that she had survived with great marks, thanks to Sooyoung’s help. The older girl really makes a good study buddy. She explains things in a way that’s easy for Jiwoo to understand and challenges her to put in effort without the negative pressure. It’s elating how Sooyoung knows how to get her to give her best which shows that they have good chemistry. They’ve also set a good momentum for studying and meet almost everyday now for it, something the younger Jiwoo would find unbelievable. Of course, a big part of it is only possible because she might be in love with the person she’s doing it with.

 

Love changes people or whatever. It’s crazy, Jiwoo thinks.

 

Today’s session ended late. They both had things to do beforehand which caused delays but it’s alright. It’s past eight now and Jiwoo’s fingers move rapidly as she types a text to Jungeun to let her know she’s done. She wants to be quick, in case Sooyoung’s about to leave (because she doesn’t want to miss her chance to bid her a proper goodbye). What she isn’t aware of is that Sooyoung’s gaze is on her.

 

“Someone’s coming to pick you up?” The older girl suddenly asks.

 

“You know?” Jiwoo looks up, feels the familiar beginnings of fluttery motions in her stomach.

 

“You’ve been on your phone for quite some time. Even when we were studying.” Sooyoung shrugs.

 

“Ah, sorry, unnie.” She says, embarrassed at her show of immaturity again but also giddy because Sooyoung noticed. “I just haven’t hanged out with this friend lately because of bridge and I’m excited to. She’s going to be studying here in the fall as well but… yeah.”

 

“Ah.” Sooyoung mumbles. She kicks the ground for a bit as if there’s something she wants to say but can’t. “Is she… is she just a friend?”

 

Jiwoo’s heart stops at that but starts beating again (and very quickly too) at the anxious puppy look on the older girl’s face.

 

“O-of course, she’s just a friend! And she has someone too so that’s totally out of the question.” She denies.

 

Sooyoung brightens visibly, chuckles nervously, and smiles. “I was just messing but okay.”

 

Jiwoo blushes, bites down on her lip, and fidgets with her hands at that obvious lie. She doesn’t get to call out Sooyoung on it because Jungeun and her girlfriend arrive (that, and she didn’t have the balls to).

 

“Jiwoo-yah!” Jungeun calls, runs up the steps to get to her.

 

Jiwoo smiles as she approaches, hugs her when she’s close enough, and waves to her girlfriend who lags behind her. Jungeun tenses in her arms so suddenly and she has to pull away to follow her gaze.

 

Her face heats up. “That’s Sooyoung unnie. She’s my bridge study buddy.”

 

“Are you not going to introduce us?” Jungeun’s smile is knowing and scary. Jiwoo puffs her cheeks and glares at it. However, it has no effect on Jungeun.

 

“Fine. I’ll do it myself.” She takes a deep breath and opens her mouth. “Hi, there! I’m Jiwoo’s friend, Jungeun! And this is my girlfriend, Haseul!”

 

Jiwoo wants nothing more than for the ground to swallow her whole, seeing the look of shock on Sooyoung’s face. As if it wasn’t enough, Jungeun even adds. “Jiwoo wants to know if you want to grab dinner with us!”

 

And then Sooyoung starts walking down the steps and she loses it.

 

“I’m Sooyoung. Please don’t mind if I do that.” She steps to Jiwoo’s side and smiles at her friends politely.

 

Jungeun beams at Jiwoo but it looks more like an evil smile to her. She regrets ever telling her about her crush on Sooyoung.

 

“Great! Jiwoo’s told me about you.” Jungeun remains cheeky as she leads the way, hand in hand with Haseul.

 

“Only good things, I hope?” Sooyoung throws a cautious look at Jiwoo who can’t even breathe right now.

 

“Yeah, don’t worry. Only good things.” Jungeun assures her with a wink.

 

With another meaningful grin at Jiwoo, she and Haseul walk ahead again, allowing Sooyoung to comfortably fall in step with her.

 

“Your friend seems nice.” She comments.

 

“Unnie, you know you don’t have to do this, right? Jungeun is just being… Jungeun.” She says, embarrassed enough as it is.

 

But what Sooyoung says next knocks the humiliation right out of her.

 

“But what if I want to do this?” Sooyoung shoves her hands in her pockets, looks at her with a shy smile. “We don’t really get to hang out with no studying, y’ know?”

 

“Did you want us to hang out?” Jiwoo is so close to screaming.

 

“Did you not want to?” Sooyoung raises an eyebrow at her.

 

“No, I want to! It’s just that… I didn’t think _you_ would want to.” Jiwoo admits.

 

“Of course, I do!” Sooyoung exclaims and then coughs into her hand. “I mean, you’re pretty cool.”

 

“I am?” Jiwoo couldn’t believe her ears but that doesn’t stop her heart from flying with the cool summer breeze and soaring into the night sky.

 

Sooyoung nods. Her smile is sincere as she looks into Jiwoo’s eyes. However, the moment is cut short when Jungeun turns to Sooyoung again.

 

“Tell us about yourself, Sooyoung unnie.”

 

“Oh, I’m a business major and I’m from Busan.” Sooyoung looks from Jiwoo to Jungeun, seemingly not prepared with the change in topic.

 

“Ooh, Busan. That’s quite far.” Haseul mutters, joining in.

 

“Yeah. Although, I’ve been in Seoul since high school.” Sooyoung stares harder at Haseul. “Pardon me but didn’t we have a class together before?”

 

“Not really? But I was the student assistant for ECON 101 and I think I might’ve seen you there?” Haseul says with a kind smile.

 

“I knew you looked familiar!” Sooyoung exclaims, now looking more comfortable.

 

Haseul nods. “Yeah, and I remember you asking Prof. Jung for a recommendation letter. How’s that going for you?”

 

Sooyoung shrugs. “It’s going. Submitted my application with a couple of things to follow. I got an unconditional grade on calc, you see. I’m taking remedials to get it removed.”

 

“Ah, that’s too bad.” Haseul shakes her once. “I hope that doesn’t hurt your chances. It’s for LSE, isn’t it?”

 

“Thanks. And yes, that’s the one.” Sooyoung receives the sympathy.

 

“Good luck.” Haseul smiles sincerely at her.

 

As the two older girls talk, Jungeun throws Jiwoo questioning looks which she shrugs at because even this is news to her. Application? LSE? What is going on?

 

They neared the restaurant and Jungeun pulls Haseul forward to give Jiwoo and Sooyoung some space.

 

“You’re transferring, huh?” Jiwoo starts, asks as casually as she can.

 

“Yeah. The reason why I was late today was because I had to finalize some documents for it.” Sooyoung says somewhat hesitantly.

 

“I see. So… LSE, huh? That’s… that’s great!” Jiwoo pushes down the strange feeling now bubbling in her stomach at the turn of events.

 

Sooyoung looks back at her, like she’s expecting something, so she continues talking even though she has no idea what she’s saying.

 

“That’ll make a good story one day! Next time I get a bridge taker buddy, I’ll tell them that my OG study buddy transferred to a top school abroad!”

 

“Hey, don’t even think about having a bridge taker buddy!” Jiwoo gets a glare and an elbow to the side but she’s not sure because she’s starting to feel numb.

 

“Seriously, Jiwoo, you should pass your classes. Don’t be like me and Jinsol.” Sooyoung laughs.

 

Jiwoo laughs too. Partly, over what the older girl said but, mostly, at herself for being delusional.

 

Sooyoung being nice to her does not mean she likes her too. Sooyoung asking her if Jungeun was just a friend to her does not mean that she’s checking for competition. Sooyoung asking her to hang out does not mean she wants to date her later on. There is no later on for them because later on is when Sooyoung will be in a faraway country, walking on cobblestone streets with a girl that’s more likely in her league than Jiwoo dreams she could ever be.

 

It’s sad and maybe Jiwoo should feel sad but she can’t. Right now, she can only laugh. Maybe she’s malfunctioning.

 

Sooyoung’s hand pats her head and she looks up at her.

 

“Let’s make plans to hang soon, alright?”

 

Jiwoo just smiles in reply because it’s all she can do, knowing that each step she takes closer to Sooyoung from now on will only hurt her later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for making it to the end. uwu. Please let me know what you think! Hit the comments section! :D


	4. Fate That We Lose Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I'd try to keep it shorter but everyone was being so nice and told me long chapters were fine so... Chuuves part 2!

Jiwoo blinks at Jungeun’s hand waving in front of her face. She doesn’t know how long it’s been there and neither does she want to know so she wraps her hand around her cup of (melted) iced latte, brings it closer to herself, and takes a sip to avoid having to look into her friend’s eyes.

 

“You miss having those long ass nerd dates with her, don’t you?” Jungeun starts, doesn’t even bother to be casual about asking. But it’s okay because it’s Jungeun.

 

“None of those were dates. We were just studying together.” Jiwoo says, looks hard at her drink as she stirs it with the straw.

 

“But you wish they were, don’t you?” Jungeun pushes.

 

Jiwoo lets out a breath and looks out the window to her left before she replies. “It doesn’t matter now.”

 

And that’s the truth. It doesn’t matter if she did or didn’t because it wouldn’t change a thing now. Sooyoung’s leaving and she’s going to be far out of Jiwoo’s reach both literally and figuratively.

 

She should’ve known that it would be like this. Sooyoung was too cool for a regular girl like her. She’s kind, beautiful, intelligent, and put-together. And she’s from a well off family too, which explains her free-handed spending whenever they’re with Jinsol and the fancy car she drives every now and then. It’s like she’s the main character in a high-budget TV drama while Jiwoo’s just an extra.

 

She’s too good to be true for her. She’s a dream - beautiful and fleeting. She made Jiwoo feel a lot of wonderful emotions but she isn’t meant to be in her life for long. She’s only meant to be there for a moment and be gone in the next. Sooyoung’s a dream and, just like with Jiwoo’s other dreams, there’s an end, a time to wake up from it, a time to wake up from her.

 

It really would’ve been great if she knew that from the start. That way she could’ve stopped herself from catching these things called feelings. But whatever. It’s done. The best thing she can do now is to not fall in deeper because forgetting about the older girl and how she feels for her would definitely take a lot of time. And that’s the reason why she’s been cutting the time she spends with her lately, making up excuses to not show to their study sessions outside class, and avoiding the topic of hanging out at all costs.

 

“There’s only a couple of weeks left with bridge.” Jungeun says, squeezes her hand from across the table. “Just hang in there for a bit more, Jiwooming.”

 

Jiwoo smiles weakly at her, feels genuinely grateful for the support.

 

The bell attached to the cafe’s door rings and Haseul enters. She walks toward them, bends down to hug Jungeun from behind her chair, and gives her a quick peck on the cheek.

 

“Hey, Jiwoo! What’s up?” Haseul cheerfully greets her when she straightens up.

 

“Not much.” Jiwoo says, inclines her head to the side.

 

“She’s heartbroken.” Jungeun says, takes Haseul’s hand as she occupies the seat next to her.

 

“What? Why?” Haseul asks.

 

Jiwoo isn’t prepared to relive things so she shakes her head in reply at the older girl. Thankfully, Haseul understands.

 

“Anyway, I think I might just have the thing to cheer you up, Jiwoo.” She smiles as she pulls out a black envelope from her purse, waves it up and down in excitement.

 

“Are those the tickets for your recital?” Jungeun asks, takes it from Haseul and looks through it.

 

“Yup. And you know how I said we were only given two complimentary passes for guests each time? Well, they’ve given out an additional one this time!” She says enthusiastically.

 

“Sweet! Are you going to invite your sister?” Jungeun smiles at her then at Jiwoo.

 

Haseul’s kid sister has been brought up a lot in their conversations before but Jiwoo’s never met her. Jungeun dotes on her a lot so she’s kind of curious to meet her. However, Haseul shakes her head.

 

“I thought of doing that but she’s been to my other recitals with mom and dad before. Since this time, Jiwoo is coming with us, I thought it’d be nice to invite another friend.” She says, smiles widely.

 

Jungeun raises an eyebrow and Jiwoo allows herself to feel expectant. “Which friend?”

 

Haseul visibly buzzes with enthusiasm as she talks. “It was like fate, you know? I was just thinking of asking you two about it first but we ran into each other on campus just now and I had to ask her already!”

 

She pauses for effect and then drops the bomb. “She said yes! Sooyoung said yes!”

 

“WHAT?” Jungeun stands up so fast her chair skids back.

 

On other occasions, this behavior would cause Jiwoo to wince but right now, she can only stare at the two of them in shock.

 

“Uh, babe, what’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?” Haseul asks, alarmed at their reactions.

 

“No, unnie. It’s okay.” Jiwoo says, quickly. She lets out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding and reaches out to her friend. “Jungeun, please calm down.”

 

“Jiwoo-” Whatever she has to say, she drowns out.

 

This is certainly something but it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. She doesn’t want Jungeun and Haseul to fight over this (and they clearly will if Jiwoo doesn’t say something).

 

“It’s okay. Sit down.” She insists.

 

Jungeun sits back down but crosses her arms over her chest as she does.

 

“Didn’t we have fun when we went out to dinner with Sooyoung last week? Was it wrong for me to ask her?” Haseul asks carefully, still confused. “I mean, you were clearly trying to push her and Jiwoo together so I thought-”

 

“It’s okay, Haseul unnie.” Jiwoo says again, seeing the frown deepen on Jungeun’s face. “It’s fine, really.”

 

Jungeun sighs. “I guess I should’ve told you, babe. But it was Jiwoo’s story to tell so I didn’t.”

 

They become silent for a bit, avoiding each other’s eyes.

 

Haseul’s gone from excited I had a Eureka moment to nervous wreck. She’s obviously regretting a lot and she brings herself to ask.

 

“Well, what do you girls want to do now?”

 

“We can’t un-invite Sooyoung unnie. It’d be weird.” Jungeun mumbles, massages her temples with her fingers. She looks at Jiwoo. “Will you be fine with it though, Jiwoo?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Jiwoo says, clears her throat when voice comes out a little shaky. “I mean, the show’s just going to be an hour and a half, right? I hang around her longer during our study sessions, you know.”

 

“But you haven’t even been meeting as often as you used to.” Jungeun points out, frowns again.

 

“It’s fine, Jungeun. I promise.” Jiwoo’s phone vibrates with a text from her best friend, Chaewon, and she’s given a reason to look away from Jungeun and Haseul’s apologetic gazes.

 

“I really didn’t know. I’m sorry. I thought we were playing matchmaker so I asked her.” Haseul whispers.

 

“We were but things got complicated since Sooyoung unnie is apparently leaving soon.” Jungeun replied.

 

Jiwoo just pretends she doesn’t hear them.

 

**& &**

 

It’s quite obvious that things have become different between them. Sooyoung hadn’t met Jiwoo to study for three days straight after that dinner with her friends. When they saw each other in class, conversations they had were short and awkward to the point that it made Jinsol ditch altogether when she has been doing such a great job at keeping her attendance perfect.

 

It’s strange because Sooyoung thought she was making good progress with their friendship by asking Jiwoo to hang out with her. Or maybe that’s what caused this? Had she overstepped her boundaries by doing that? Though, Jiwoo seemed happy about it when she asked her. So, what is it then? She knows it’s something she said or did. She can feel it.

 

A huge part of her hopes that their meeting today would clear even a little bit of that gap between them. Like, she has no idea how, but she hopes it does since today is the first time that they’re meeting again for a study session after almost a week. It really has been so long that Sooyoung convinced herself that they’ve gone on an unofficial break if only to not feel sad about the fact that Jiwoo is avoiding her. For what reasons, again, she clearly has no idea. She just wished she knew though. Because if she did, maybe she can let it go.

 

However, an hour hasn’t even passed since the two of them started studying (Jiwoo was the only one studying since Sooyoung was too busy staring at her but whatever) when Jiwoo suddenly gets up from her seat with a panicked look on her face. She doesn’t beat around the bush and immediately tells her she has to leave.

 

Sooyoung watches in a helpless daze, sinking lower and lower in a pit of anxiety as the younger girl apologizes to her while packing her things. Jiwoo can’t leave. If she does, Sooyoung will have to wait for a whole nother day to see her again and that won’t do because time is running out for them! Once the summer classes end, they won’t have a reason to meet as often. By the time fall rolls around, she would have to leave and although she plans on still keeping in contact with Jiwoo (as friends), she still wants to spend as much time as possible with her before that happens.

 

“I’m really sorry, unnie.” She hears Jiwoo say. “But I really have to go. My friend needs me. She’s been taken to the ER.”

 

Sooyoung snaps to attention at that.

 

“Your friend? Jungeun?” She asks.

 

Jiwoo shakes her head. “No, no. Not Jungeun. Another friend.”

 

She shoulders her backpack, ready to leave.

 

“Oh. But still… which hospital?” Sooyoung finds her brains and her bravery. “I have a car with me. I can take you wherever it is. Just tell me where.”

 

“Unnie, you don’t have to.” Jiwoo says, waves her hands in front of her.

 

“Don’t be silly. This is an emergency.” Sooyoung insists. She gathers her stuff and jumps to her feet to show her willingness. “Now, where is your friend?”

 

“Uh, the university hospital in Gangnam...” Jiwoo finally resigns.

 

Sooyoung doesn’t waste any time. She leads the way to her car and drives as fast as the traffic rules allowed. Within ten minutes, they arrive at the hospital. Jiwoo basically sprints as soon as she parks. With how closely Sooyoung follows her, she sees how anxious and nearly out of her mind she looks so she takes the lead again, gets them to the emergency room with her cool head.

 

As soon as they walk in, Jiwoo races to a bed on the far side. Sooyoung follows her still and finds a younger girl with sleek black hair sitting on the hospital bed, holding an ice pack against her left cheek.

 

“Park Chaewon, you better tell me what the hell happened right now.” Jiwoo demands as she steps by the girl’s side.

 

“Skateboarding accident.” The girl replies blankly.

 

“You don’t skate?” Jiwoo presses.

 

“i don’t but the person who bumped into me does.” The girl lazily nods her head off to the next bed where a boy lies, head wrapped in a bandage, an arm and a leg each in a splint.

 

Jiwoo screws her eyes shut and takes deep breaths. Sooyoung just watches her, half-curious, half-fascinated.

 

“Miss Park Chaewon’s family?” A doctor suddenly appears and Jiwoo opens her eyes, turns to him in attention. Sooyoung draws closer too.

 

“Miss Park tells me she was eating a jawbreaker when it happened? Anyway, the collision and the candy in her mouth caused for one of her premolars to chip. The tooth fragments scratched the inside of her cheek and resulted in some bleeding but it’s nothing serious. She’s lucky. The young man who ran into her has two fractures and had to have seven stitches on his head.”

 

Jiwoo winces, looks at Chaewon who pointedly avoids her eye by staring hard at the nearest wall.

 

“Anyway, she might feel soreness in her mouth for a couple of days so just get ice on it as often as possible. I’ll give her a prescription for painkillers for when it hurts too much. You can get that at the nurses station later.”

 

With each word the doctor says, Jiwoo looks more and more stressed. Sooyoung just knows she has to say something.

 

“Their collision had to be a fairly strong one for her to chip her tooth, right?” She speaks for the first time since arriving and it earns her a curious look from Chaewon and a grateful one from Jiwoo. “Is there a possibility that she might have gotten a concussion too? Also, won’t she need to get her tooth fixed?”

 

“Ah, yes. I was just getting to that. The candy in her mouth played a huge role in her tooth chipping so I’m excusing any head traumas here. We did check her balance and coordination earlier and she seemed fine. Still, if she experiences any symptoms within the next 48 hours, let us know immediately.” Jiwoo lets out a breath at that and Sooyoung pats her on the back comfortingly.

 

“As for her tooth, she will have to get it fixed eventually. It’s in bad shape which may cause more scratches to the inside of her mouth when she chews. She’ll have to do it soon but not right now because of the swelling.”

 

The doctor excuses himself then. Jiwoo smiles at Sooyoung thankfully before she turns to Chaewon again.

 

“Did you call auntie and uncle?” She asks, switching back to stern mother hen.

 

Chaewon shakes her head. “They’re at work.”

 

“And your brother?”

 

“Jungwoo’s away on a trip.” Chaewon presses the ice pack to her cheek a little harder and groans.

 

“You do realize we’re going to have to call one of them to get you discharged, right?”

 

The frown on her face gets deeper and Sooyoung feels weird things in her chest. This is the first time she’s even seen Jiwoo like this, remotely unhappy. That’s probably why her instincts to take the lead kicked in. It isn’t nice to see Jiwoo look lost and sad. Although, she finds it amazing to see her being mature and caring for her friend.

 

“No, we don’t. Sk8er Boi over there, promised to take care of everything. Down to getting my poor tooth repaired.” Sooyoung hears Chaewon reply.

 

Their eyes meet and she smiles at her awkwardly. “Lemme guess. Sooyoung unnie?”

 

Sooyoung’s eyes widen in surprise but she still answers “Yeah. That’s me.”

 

“This is Chaewon, she’s my… best friend.” Jiwoo says, weakly lifts her hand to point at the younger girl.

 

“Yes, I’m her best friend. Definitely not her daughter.” Chaewon says and Sooyoung laughs.

 

“Right. Well, I’m gonna go to the nurses station.” Jiwoo mumbles, looks to Sooyoung. “Could you watch over her while I’m gone?”

 

“Unnie! Do you really think I’m going anywhere?” Chaewon asks incredulously, gestures at herself to prove a point.

 

“Shut it, you.” Jiwoo glares at her and then leaves.

 

With Jiwoo gone, Sooyoung is left to awkwardly shuffle on her feet under Chaewon’s scrutinizing gaze. Forget about Chaewon denying that she’s Jiwoo’s daughter because it certainly feels like that’s the case right now.

 

“So… she talked about you a lot.” Chaewon says, lifts her chin a little, trying to side-eye her but it just looks cute.

 

“She did?” Sooyoung dares to hold her gaze.

 

“Not so much anymore.” Chaewon replies.

 

She narrows her eyes at her and even puts her ice pack down before she continues.

 

“The ER is probably not the best place to do this, especially since I’m the one injured but… if I get proof that you did something to hurt Jiwoo unnie, I swear to God I will fight you.”

 

Sooyoung blinks for two reasons. One, because Chaewon is small and cute and it feels a lot like she’s being threatened by a pomeranian pup, and two, because this means that Jiwoo _is_ intentionally avoiding her.

 

“She told me that you’re going to see Jungeun unnie’s girlfriend’s recital with them. I won’t be there but I’m saying you should wise up from now on ‘cause I’ll be watching you.” Chaewon points at her eyes with her index and middle fingers and then uses those same fingers to point at Sooyoung.

 

“You got that?”

 

Jiwoo returns with some forms in her hands shortly after, looks at Chaewon with a frown then at Sooyoung.

 

“What were you guys talking about?” She asks, probably sensing the weird atmosphere.

 

“Not much, really. With her mouth sore and all.” Sooyoung says, smiles lightly at Chaewon who looks smugly at her.

 

“Right. Well, I got the forms signed. I met sk8er boi’s guardian there too. We’re good to go.” Jiwoo announces.

 

“Don’t you have to go back to uni though?” Chaewon asks while Jiwoo helps her up by the arm.

 

“You really think I’d go anywhere with you like this?” She scoffs. “Not a chance. I’ll stay with you in your house until auntie or uncle gets home.”

 

Sooyoung watches the two of them continue bickering as they start to walk. She doesn’t want to interrupt the moment in fear that she might overstep something again but she has to ask.

 

“Where does Chaewon live? I can drop you two off.”

 

“Really, unnie? That would be great. Thanks.” Jiwoo says.

 

Chaewon looks at her with the same scrutinizing gaze but doesn’t say anything so she takes that as approval and takes her other arm to help Jiwoo help her.

 

Even though Jiwoo tells her that the drive to Chaewon’s place won’t be long, Chaewon still falls asleep as soon as her back hits the passenger seat. Sooyoung catches Jiwoo looking at her through the rearview mirror. Her eyebrows are still scrunched and her lips are still pouted in worry.

 

“You care about her a lot, huh?” Sooyoung voices out her observation.

 

“I do.” Jiwoo replies quickly. “She’s more than a best friend to me… she’s like my sister.”

 

“Oh. I see.” Sooyoung isn’t going to lie but she held her breath over the she’s more than a best friend part and she hates it. Fortunately though, Jiwoo elaborates and she soon realizes that she’s being weird over nothing.

 

“We grew up together. Our mothers have been best friends since college so it’s like we were meant to be BFFs before we were even born.” She chuckles.

 

“Auntie was a single parent when she had Chaewon. She only met uncle when Chaewon was eight. They got married when she was ten. Anyway, growing up, Chae wasn’t the healthiest kid so it was really hard for auntie. Mom was there a lot to help and everything. Naturally, I just did the same to Chae.” She says.

 

“That’s heartwarming, Jiwoo.” Sooyoung replies, meaning it.

 

Jiwoo laughs, shyly and when they exchange looks it’s as if they’re back to how things were before.

 

“What about you and Jinsol unnie?” Jiwoo asks her, eyes crinkling as she smiles at her.

 

“Umm… it was nothing like yours and Chaewon’s. We met in high school. She liked a girl in class but that girl confessed to me. I wasn’t interested in her so I rejected her. Jinsol hated me for that for a grand total of two days. When we met in the dance club auditions on the third day, she told me that girl came to her for comfort after what I did. It was downhill from there.”

 

Jiwoo laughs. For a good minute, Sooyoung just takes it in - the sound of her laughter, the look on her face, the way her heart feels at ease.

 

“You can just pull over here, unnie.” Jiwoo says and that brings her back to reality.

 

“Are you going to be okay by yourselves?” Sooyoung asks after she puts the car on park again.

 

“We’ll be fine.” Jiwoo assures her. “Chae’s clumsy but she’s generally harmless around me. Well, not so much to other people. Like that skater dude.”

 

Sooyoung chuckles. “Okay.”

 

“Sorry for ruining our study plans and for dragging you into this.” She mumbles.

 

“Hey, don’t apologize. You didn’t drag me. I volunteered to come with you, remember?”

 

“And I appreciate it. Thanks a lot, unnie.” Jiwoo squeezes her hand once and she knows things are really back to normal between them.

 

“I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” She asks, allows herself to hope.

 

“Yes. And on the day after, too. For Haseul unnie’s recital.”

 

She gets off and opens the door on the passenger side to wake Chaewon. Sooyoung waves goodbye to them both, trades narrowed gazes with Chaewon (to humor her) and then watches the two of them disappear into the apartment complex before she drives away.

 

**& &**

 

Jiwoo fidgets with her dress, pulls it as low as it can go to cover her knees while she stands on the subway platform. It had started drizzling before they could even reach the station so now she feels cold and uncomfortable in what she’s wearing. But they’re already running late and she doesn’t really have a choice (whether to change outfits or to take a bus or cab instead of the crowded train).

 

She hears Sooyoung clearing her throat and looks up to see her holding out her blazer.

 

“Put it on before we get on the train.” Sooyoung says.

 

Jiwoo takes it gratefully and tries not to think about it too much as she does. The blazer is big on the older girl so it’s lot bigger on her that it reaches past her knees, effectively covering her up.

 

Sooyoung smiles at her. “Sorry about this. We should’ve been there by now if I had a car with me.”

 

“No, don’t say that, unnie. It’s fine!” Jiwoo exclaims, waves her hands in front of her.

 

The train arrives soon. It skids to a stop in front of them but even before the doors could open, Jiwoo can already tell how jammed pack it was. She swallows hard and looks at Sooyoung.

 

“We’re only two stops away. I think we’ll be fine.” Sooyoung says, gives her an encouraging look.

 

“Yeah, okay.” Jiwoo agrees.

 

With that, they squeeze themselves in the train car. Sooyoung holds the bouquet of flowers they brought for Haseul over her head as she leads the way to the corner where there is slightly more available space. Jiwoo follows her but with much difficulty. When the train starts to move, she bumps and falls on the other passengers who take the effort to complain loudly. She apologizes to them and tries her harderst to keep herself upright.

 

Sooyoung catches her eye. “You okay? Do you think you can squeeze in here with me?”

 

  
“Now?” Jiwoo asks.

 

“Yes, before we get to the next station because more people will get in by then.” Sooyoung says.

 

Jiwoo nods and does just that, maneuvering her way in with more pushing and apologizing.

 

“Comfy?” Sooyoung asks as she stands in front of her.

 

“Not really.” Jiwoo says, looks over her shoulder at a bunch of rowdy high school boys.

 

“Hold this.” Sooyoung hands her the bouquet and Jiwoo takes it. Her eyes widen as the older girl’s hand hold her by the shoulders and she’s promptly turned around so that their places are switched.

 

The train lurches over a particular bump on the rail. The passengers move with it, swaying in different directions and squishing against each other but Jiwoo doesn’t feel any of that. Because Sooyoung has her safely tucked in that corner. She even uses her own body to shield the others from touching Jiwoo.

 

“Comfy now?” Sooyoung asks again after seeing the realization hit her.

 

Jiwoo can’t find it in her to speak or even think. She just gets the urge and she doesn’t stop herself. She closes the small distance between them, wraps her arms around Sooyoung’s waist, and buries her face in her shoulder. The implications can screw themselves.

 

She feels the older girl freeze, hears her breathing become uneven.

 

“Uh... Jiwoo, you’re crushing the flowers but… yeah… you’re welcome, I guess.” Sooyoung mutters, lets her hand pat Jiwoo’s head steadily.

 

**& &**

 

They arrive at the opera house relatively unscathed even though the bouquet for Haseul fell to a different fate. They did manage to get a handful of unsquashed flowers from it and Jiwoo was also able to salvage parts of the wrapping paper so it’s still okay. They meet Jungeun at the lobby who, for some reason unknown to Sooyoung, gives Jiwoo a long and pointed stare.

 

“The subway was crowded. Sorry, we’re late.” Sooyoung speaks, hopes to pacify the upset vibe she gets from Jungeun.

 

“Oh, it’s okay. You’re not late.” Jungeun replies, spares her a look before she takes the flowers from Jiwoo. “Let’s go?”

 

They head to balcony and find their seats. Sooyoung easily claims the one nearest the aisle while Jiwoo and Jungeun make a weird dance over who gets to sit next to her. Jiwoo eventually does but not without another round of pointed staring (this time accompanied by some eyebrow raising too). Sooyoung doesn’t want to intrude whatever friends-only non-verbal communication is going on so she keeps silent despite feeling that it somehow concerns her.

 

It takes a whole awkward five minutes before the lights turn off and and the curtains roll back. Sooyoung hears an excited gasp from Jungeun and sees Jiwoo move to the edge of her seat to get a better view. She smiles at their reactions and leans back to prepare herself to enjoy the performances. Just then, her phone starts vibrating in her pocket.

 

She looks at the screen and her sister’s contact name flashes in it. She swipes to the left to reject the call but her sister calls again just as quickly. She looks up to see Jiwoo look questioningly at her and she gives her a sheepish smile.

 

Realizing that it might be important, she excuses herself and takes the call just beyond the doors.

 

“What do you want?”

 

She and her sister haven’t exactly been on the best terms since she was in high school. They hardly even talk at home so why is she calling her now?

 

“...”

 

“I’m in the middle of something important and I’m pretty sure mom and dad know so say something now or I’m hanging up.”

 

“Something came in the mail. For you. International post.”

 

Sooyoung freezes but still asks even though she already knows. “What? What is it?”

 

There’s a pause on the other line as if her sister is thinking about what to say next.

 

“You know you don’t have to go, right? Mom and dad and… me… we’d rather you stay here.”

 

It all sounds weird to her and she can’t help but be suspicious. “What are you saying?”

 

“So just… whatever the results are, remember that we love you. I love you, Sooyoung.”

 

“Did you look through it already? Without me? Unnie? UNNIE?”

 

“-”

 

The line gets cut and Sooyoung weakly pockets her phone. She rubs her face with her hands and spends a couple of moments looking at the wall, trying to decide what to feel. Her sister really chose the wrong time to be cryptic and affectionate. But she’ll have to find out later what that’s all about. Right now, she has to go back inside and support Jiwoo’s friends.

 

She finds her way back to her seat. When her eyes meet Jiwoo’s, the younger girl offers her a concerned smile to which she only shakes her head at.

 

**& &**

 

Finals turned out to be a lot more difficult than midterms and prelims for Jiwoo. Maybe it was because she hadn’t seen much of Sooyoung after Haseul’s recital and, thus, didn’t receive much help preparing for the exams. Sooyoung still attends class but their study sessions had stopped. Jinsol did take her under her wing for a time, which according to the girl was a favor to her best friend, but it was weird. She couldn’t concentrate on anything knowing that the reason Sooyoung’s been so busy is because she’s wrapping things up for her transfer.

 

Jiwoo knew this and she’s already set her heart and mind on it but it still makes her sad.

 

A finger pokes her on the cheek and she looks up to see Jinsol beaming at her. She had been hanging around the courtyard, waiting for her to finish the exam since she finished first.

 

“How’d it go for you?” Jinsol asks.

 

“Difficult but I think I’ll pass.” Jiwoo answers.

 

“Great!” Jinsol exclaims, clapping her hands together.

 

Jiwoo smiles back but then drops her gaze to the ground. “...Did Sooyoung unnie finish already?”

 

“She finished earlier than me but we handed in our tests at the same time.” Jinsol says, starts to walk.

 

“Oh, really? Where is she?” Jiwoo asks, tries to keep up with her long strides.

 

“She was in a hurry to leave.” Jinsol shrugs.

 

Jiwoo nods despite feeling regretful inside. Had she missed her chance to properly say goodbye for the last time? And it seems as though Jinsol senses her despair.

 

“But, hey, cheer up, Jiwoo! Summer classes are over! We should celebrate!” The older girl drapes an arm around her shoulder and winks.

 

“Sure, I guess.” Jiwoo musters another smile. “What do you have in mind, unnie?”

 

“Minkyung’s having an end of summer classes bash at her apartment tonight. It’s supposed to be a small one. Only everyone in class. You should come. I’ll bring Sooyoung too.”

 

“Okay, I’ll come.” Jiwoo mumbles.

 

“Do you promise?” Jinsol looks her in the eye.

 

And she looks right back. “I promise, I’ll be there, Jinsol unnie.”

 

The rest of the day goes slowly. Her phone blows up with messages from Jungeun and Chaewon but she ignores it. They know she’s feeling down and they probably want to cheer her up but she wants to make sure she’ll be free for the night. With bridge over, it might be the last time she and Sooyoung will meet.

 

The clock hits 6 o’clock and she finally heads out to meet with Jinsol and Sooyoung so they can go to Minkyung’s apartment together. Jinsol is so excited that she basically speedwalks the whole way, leaving Jiwoo and Sooyoung to lag behind her. But none of them say anything until they get to Minkyung’s and are supplied with a drink each.

 

Maybe it’s because they haven’t really talked in a while and there’s just a lot that had happened and they don’t know where to start. Luckily, Sooyoung speaks first.

 

“How’d your exam go?” She asks as they occupy the couch.

 

“It went okay, I guess. I’m kinda sure I’ll pass.” Jiwoo replies, puts her feet up to get comfortable too.

 

“That’s good.” Sooyoung says, smiles at her.

 

Jiwoo doesn’t need to ask her about hers because she knows she aced it. So, for a moment, she just looks around the room, at their classmates who are chatting and drinking and dancing. She doesn’t know where she finds the strength to but she asks.

 

“How are things going with your transfer, unnie?”

 

Sooyoung takes a deep breath, swirls her beer around her cup for a while until she finally replies. “I’m not going, Jiwoo.”

 

“What?” Jiwoo nearly drops her cup.

 

“I didn’t pass.” Sooyoung says simply. “Slots for the program were limited and there were applicants who are better qualified than me so…” She shrugs.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Sooyoung unnie.”

 

Despite her shock and that tiny feeling of hope suddenly blooming in her chest, she means it. Sooyoung must’ve wanted to get in that school for a long time and she clearly worked hard for that application.

 

“Eh. It’s fine.” Sooyoung waves her hand in front of her to dismiss it. She, then, takes a sip of her drink. “I was bummed about it for a time which is why I couldn’t help you study for the finals. I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

 

“It’s okay, unnie.” Jiwoo shakes her head.

 

Sooyoung looks at her. She inclines her head to the side as she does, like she’s seeing her in a different light. Jiwoo tries her best to hold her gaze, wants to know what Sooyoung’s thinking of. But there’s only so much that her heart can take and she eventually has to look away as it starts to feel like she might explode. Maybe she wasn’t so wrong about hoping?

 

“Yeah. I guess I’m okay now too.” Sooyoung speaks again, takes another deep breath, and shrugs. “It’s complicated but I realized that I don’t want it as much now than when I was younger?”

 

“You don’t?” Jiwoo asks, trying to keep a wave of mixed emotions from sweeping over her and pulling her under.

 

“It’s cringey but I think a huge part of me was using LSE as a means to prove that I was better than my sister. She was always trying to put one over me and made everything a competition when we were kids. The two of us had a heart to heart talk recently and that made me realize it.”

 

Jiwoo doesn’t know what to say as her mind is already going through the overwhelming possibility in front of her. Perhaps fate is giving her a chance to know everything there is to know about this girl, a chance to fall in deeper and never resurface. Frankly, Jiwoo wants to take that chance.

 

“I didn’t know you had a sister.” She finally says.

 

“I do. She’s a year older than me.” Sooyoung looks at her again, smiles. “What about you? Do you have any siblings?”

 

“I have two younger brothers.” She replies and Sooyoung nods slowly.

 

“So on top of having Chaewon, you also have two younger brothers.” Jiwoo laughs, loud and bright. “Which reminds me, did she get her tooth fixed now?”

 

“Yes. Yes, she did. Got a stainless steel crown for it. She says it makes her feel gangsta even though it’s hardly visible.”

 

Sooyoung laughs out loud too, mirrors Jiwoo’s mirth. Their eyes meet again and some unexplainable force pulls them to draw closer to each other.

 

“I’m sorry about LSE, unnie.” Jiwoo says again.

 

“Don’t be. London isn’t all that great. SNU is a good school too. And… here is a pretty nice place to be, you know?”

 

Sooyoung’s hand finds hers and neither of them question it because if they’re going to be honest, both of them know that this is long overdue.

 

“I guess I can say I’ve found several good reasons to want to stay.” Sooyoung admits, smiles as she looks down on their hands and intertwines their fingers.

 

Jiwoo’s heart beats so loud in her chest. Sooyoung could probably hear it so she doesn’t bother trying to hold herself back anymore.

 

“Unnie,” She starts.

 

“Yeah?” Sooyoung looks her in the eye again but keeps her hand wrapped around hers still.

 

“What do you feel about going out on a date with me?” Jiwoo asks.

 

Sooyoung bursts into the biggest smile she’s ever seen on her that she has to blink.

 

“I’d feel really happy about that.” Sooyoung says.

 

“You would?” Jiwoo checks, not believing her ears for a second.

 

“Mhmm.” Sooyoung mumbles, holds her hand tighter. “We should do it real soon. Shall we go see a movie on Wednesday?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lipsoul gonna be up next! I'm looking into writing their backstory in two parts AND another two parts for their side story (which will be in the same timeline as HyeWon on the main). Idk yet but the Lipsoul arc might be longer because miss Kimberly and miss Jinsoul get to my feelings so much. Just know that I'm very excited about writing about them. Eheh. And now, y'all know the drill, lemme hear y'all thoughts! 


	5. You Like It Just As Much As Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lipsoulnators make some noise and come get y'alls food.

Friday nights are a bummer now when it used to be so fun for Jungeun. Back then, when Friday night comes, Haseul would sleep over at her dorm. They’d cook a meal to share, have a little to drink, and watch something on Netflix. They never do get to finish whatever movie they pick because one of them would put on _the look_ and they’d both have their hands all over each other. Morning afters are even more of an experience. Haseul in nothing but her favorite oversized hoodie, waking her up with kisses on the forehead, on the nose, and on the lips and then making her breakfast.

 

Jungeun remembers all of these things and it leaves a bitter taste in her mouth that she has to flush down with alcohol. She shouldn’t be thinking about these things because it isn’t fair to Haseul when it was her, Jungeun, who initiated the break up. The fact that her main reason for doing so was because she was afraid of where they were headed didn’t help either. They were together for five years and they knew everything there was to know about each other and that clearly only meant that what they have is special and serious. And Jungeun knew that but when Haseul started talking about looking at apartments where they can move in together, she was spooked and it didn’t take long before she skedaddled.

 

Who could blame Jungeun though? She’s just turning twenty one and she has a whole world to explore ahead of her. Don’t get her wrong. Haseul is the love of her life (they’ve been together since she was fifteen and Haseul was seventeen) but that doesn’t mean she’s ready for the so-called ball and chain with her. There is no question whether she loved her or not because she did and she still does. But they both want very different things and there’s no way of getting to those without hurting each other.

 

Jungeun puts her bottle down on the counter a little too loudly and Mark and Joowon give her a look of sympathy.

 

“It’s still that bad, huh?” Joowon raises a hand to get the bartender’s attention. “One more round for us, please.”

 

Jungeun shrugs in reply to her question.

 

“I’m sorry but this really has to be the last for me. I can’t keep my boyfriend waiting any longer.” Mark interrupts before she can speak.

 

Jungeun sighs. “Jiwooming has a girlfriend. Mark has a boyfriend.” She pauses to look at Joowon. “Not to be a selfish bitch, but please don’t get someone to date too soon, Joowon. I only have you now.”

 

Joowon rolls her eyes at the drama.

 

The bartender places new bottles each in front of them and they pick it up at the same time. They clink them together and take long swigs off it.

 

Jungeun screws her eyes shut at the burning sensation in her throat. It seems like she’s never going to get used to that no matter how many times she has it, similar to what her Friday nights has become now.

 

“Ugh. Gross.” She mumbles as she starts picking at their leftovers.  

 

“But let’s get real for a minute, Jungeun. How long are you gonna keep doing this? Are you planning on dying of alcoholism?” Mark asks.

 

“Leave me alone.” She groans.

 

“Oh, we will. After this one.” Joowon says. “Don’t give me that look, hun. I have a family to go home to.”

 

“Your cats shouldn’t count.” Jungeun spits.

 

“You know what? Fuck you and what you think. Nancy and Daisy are the only ones who love me unconditionally in this world and _they’re my family_!” Joowon shakes her head and finishes her drink. “Now, if you will excuse me-”

 

“No, I’m sorry! Don’t leave!” Jungeun whines but Mark’s shaking his head too and that’s not a good sign.

 

“Guys…” She tries again with her best pout. But she’s obviously not Jiwoo and it fails.

 

“We have to go, Jungeun. Sorry. And you should probably head home in a bit too.” He says.

 

Joowon narrows her eyes at her as she puts her coat on. “I’ll call you in an hour to check on you. If you’re still here then, I’ll call Jiwooming to get you and do you really want that?”

 

“No, not her! She’s gonna nag me to death.” Jungeun say, panics.

 

“Then you better get your ass home before that happens, girl.” Mark claps his hands in front of her face like _chop, chop_.

 

The two settle the bill and give her goodbye hugs but that doesn’t stop her from sulking.

 

“Ugh. I need better friends.” Jungeun mumbles, throws some chips around her plate as she watches them go.

 

**& &**

 

Friday nights are party nights for Jinsol. Every night used to be a party night for her but that’s no longer the case for sophomore year. She just needed to cut down on the fun because she actually wants to pass her classes. Well, that and Sooyoung got herself a girlfriend and now, Jinsol doesn’t have a best friend to go to the said parties with.

 

But anyway, it’s a Friday night and she’s here, stuck behind a bar, wiping already clean glasses to begin with because there’s nothing else to do with the lack of customers. The last ones, a small group of college kids, just left too. They did leave one friend behind but the point has been made. There are no customers.

 

Jinsol doesn’t want to be ungrateful and complain when she’s getting paid for this. Junhui also promised to throw in extras for her covering Yeeun’s shift but this is just so boring. Like she could be somewhere downing drinks instead of mixing and serving them. She could be talking to a fine girl somewhere instead of staring into space like this.

 

Fortunately, Junhui comes in soon and he does so with an apologetic look on his face.

 

“I’m so sorry, Jinsol.” He starts.

 

“It’s okay, sunbae.” Jinsol says despite her earlier thoughts. “Just remember what we agreed on.”

 

“Of course! Don’t worry. I got you.” He assures her with a two thumbs up and a handsome grin. “Why don’t you finish up and I’ll get you something from the kitchen as promised? Pay’s gonna have to wait though.”

 

“I’m already done here since there weren’t even a lot of customers. And yeah, that’s fine.”

 

“Not a lot of customers? Must be because of the sorority party on that club across the street.” Junhui mumbles.

 

“A sorority party? Delta phi’s?” Jinsol suddenly remembers the multiple invites to same event she got all week.

 

“I think so. You thinking of swinging by?” Junhui asks.

 

“I might.”

 

“Alright. I’ll get you food while you decide. For now, just sit back.”

 

As Junhui disappears into the kitchen, Jinsol follows his advice and takes her apron off. She settles on one end of the counter as the further end is still occupied by that last customer who Jinsol is now discreetly checking out.

 

Truth be told, she’s already noticed her the moment she walked in with her friends. She looks young, probably around her age. She’s pretty and carries herself with this strong aura that intrigues Jinsol so much that when Junhui comes back with a plate of baby back ribs, he finds her still like that, staring at her.

 

“Someone you know?” He asks, sets down the food in front of Jinsol. “Girl’s a regular. Comes here every Friday. Usually with her friends.”

 

“I don’t know her but I overheard her and her friends’ conversation earlier. It sounded like she was moping over being single?” Jinsol shrugs and smirks at him.

 

Junhui narrows his eyes at her. “If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking-”

 

“Hey, I’m not that… bad!” Jinsol says. “Unless… unless maybe she wants me too? I mean, she’s pretty.”

 

Junhui sighs and rolls his eyes. “Usually, I’d warn against it but you’re a grownass woman so who am I to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do?”

 

Jinsol beams at that and shoots him a finger gun. He shakes his head but bends down to pull out a couple of bottles from the bar fridge, proceeds to uncap it both for her.

 

“God bless you, sire!” She salutes and grabs the beers and the ribs.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Just remember that whatever happens, don’t do it here. We’re low on cleaners.”

 

Jinsol gives him a wink before she walks off to her. The girl watches her approach with uninterested eyes and she can tell that this is going to be tough but that just makes her feel more excited.

 

“Hi there.” She starts. “Mind if I join you?”

 

The girl looks around the empty bar, probably to point out that there’s plenty of places for Jinsol to sit at. But she shrugs anyway so she sets everything down on the counter and hops on the barstool.

 

Jinsol carefully slides one of the bottles over to the girl and she gets a raised eyebrow in reply.

 

“It’s on the house. You and your friends did order a lot so just take it.” She smiles. “I’m Jinsol, by the way.” And she holds out her hand.

 

“Jungeun.” The girl finally speaks, takes her hand and gives it a quick shake.

 

Jinsol grabs her bottle and raises it in Jungeun’s direction who copies her. They both drink and it’s silent for a bit as Jinsol eats.

 

“Are you new here?” Jungeun asks her. “I’ve only ever seen _that_ guy and the girl with the wicked bob cut.”

 

“No. I used to work here a couple of months back but I had to quit because of my tight class sched. I’m only here tonight because Junhui, _that_ guy, asked me for a favor.” Jinsol explains.

 

Jungeun picks at leftovers again so Jinsol pushes her plate towards her.

 

“Try some. It’s hot though.” She says.

 

“Thanks.” Jungeun takes Jinsol’s fork and hacks away at a piece.

 

“Are you in uni?” Jinsol looks at the girl’s face, catalogues the curve of her eyes and the sharpness of her nose.

 

“Mhmm.” Jungeun chews slowly, looks back at her just as strongly. “SNU. You?”

 

“Yeah, same.” Jinsol smiles as Jungeun hands her back the fork. “I major in dance. You?”

 

“Broadcasting.” Jungeun replies. She picks up her bottle and tilts her head back as she drinks deeply.

 

Jinsol watches her (more like admires her neck and jawline) and waits for her to finish before she starts talking again. “How’s that working out for you?”

 

“Okay, I guess?” Jungeun pauses to wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. “I mostly have technicals and intro courses so I can’t say much yet.”

 

Jinsol hands her a napkin and asks. “Freshie, huh?”

 

“Yeah.” She gives her a little glare. “What’s the matter? I don’t look like it?” Her tone rises just a smidge.

 

And it’s Jinsol’s turn to shrug. She drops her eyes to her plate and finishes her food. When that was done, she looks up at Jungeun again.

 

“Listen, there’s a sorority party across the street that Junhui told me about.” She doesn’t add that she was invited to it in fear that Jungeun might not want to come. “I was thinking of checking it out. You wanna tag along?”

 

Jungeun looks at her with a piercing gaze, calculates her. It’s enticing and exhilarating how much front she puts on. Jinsol hasn’t met a girl like her in a while and she’s buzzing with adrenaline but at the same time worrying that this could end just like that. So when Jungeun suddenly sighs and nods her head, she’s over the moon.

 

“Free booze so what the hell, right? I’m in. Let’s go.” Jungeun says.

 

Jinsol laughs. This girl is turning out to be so much more than she bargained for when she first decided to walk up to her and it’s amazing. She’s amazing.

 

Jinsol hops off the stool and Jungeun does the same but sways a little when she walks and she stays close to her.

 

“On second thought, can you still walk?” She asks in jest.

 

“I’m no lightweight. I can handle myself.” Jungeun pushes her away but the recoil only causes her to fall forward. But, of course, Jinsol is quick to catch her.

 

“Uhh, that was embarrassing but thanks.” Jungeun mutters and Jinsol laughs again. When she flashes her a charming smile, it comes too naturally.

 

 **& &**  

 

Jungeun arrives to the party feeling nervous. It’s not like her to do this but she’s in desperate need of company and Jinsol, a damn attractive stranger who’s easy to be with, was offering so what reason does she have to say no? The venue is noisy and crowded. People waiting in line at the entrance. People on the dance floor. People at the bar. People hanging out on the tables.

 

But Jinsol leads her past all of that and into a smaller room with a much smaller crowd in it which somehow puts her slightly at ease.

 

“Jinsol!”

 

The girl’s name gets called out a lot by both gents and ladies. Especially, by the ladies. A handful even swarm at her with tight hugs and kisses on the cheek that linger too long to be friendly. Jungeun takes the sight in as the image of what kind of girl Jinsol is gets bigger - obviously popular and highly likely a fuck girl. This becomes clearer when Jinsol gives those girls some of her time and attention. It blurs when she pulls away from them and looks at Jungeun like she matters more than all of them.

 

Jinsol playfully beckons for her to follow with a finger. Jungeun gives chase without question and they find themselves in front of a mini bar. The older girl gives the bartender a signal with a nod of her head and the shots start to pour.  

 

She takes one. Jungeun follows. They share a look and shoot together.

 

“Ugh. That’s nasty.” Jinsol crumples her beautiful face in disgust but still takes another one.

 

All the while, Jungeun silently watches her.

 

“What’s going on in your pretty little head?” Jinsol’s smile already looks different with only two shots in.

 

“I’m wondering what I’m doing here with you.” Jungeun replies honestly.

 

Everything about this is new to her. She’s been through a handful of parties before with her friends and with that girl whose name she can’t even bring herself to say right now for what’s likely going to happen. She might be young but she’s not dumb. She knew what and where things will lead up to from that moment Jinsol walked up to her at that bar.

 

“Hmmm. That’s… fair.” The girl acknowledges her concern. “You don’t know me well. I don’t know you well. For all you know, I could just be after your kidneys or something.”

 

“No, I haven’t gone that far.” Jungeun laughs. And she really isn’t wary of her in that way which makes her think that it’s disturbing how she’s so comfortable around her. “But can we... talk?”

 

Jinsol nods. She grabs a couple of bottles from a cooler and leads Jungeun to an unoccupied couch.

 

“Okay, let’s talk.” Jinsol uncaps the bottles like a pro (which she is) and hands one to her.

 

Jungeun takes it but doesn’t drink from it, knowing that it will cloud her judgment. She isn’t exactly sober but she needs to retain whatever semblance of sobriety she has left for what she’s about to do.  

 

“What’s your favorite movie?” She asks Jinsol.

 

A brightness appears in the girl’s eyes and she answers with certainty. “That’s easy. Zootopia!”

 

Jungeun laughs out loud again.

 

“What?” Jinsol asks, eyes sparkling with a child-like innocence that Jungeun finds so paradoxical at the moment.

 

She waves her hands to dismiss it. “Anyways, next question.”

 

“Hold up! Hold up!” Jinsol stops her, puts her bottle down on the table. “You get to ask me a question but I don’t get to ask you?” She puts her hands on her hips, maybe trying to look intimidating but it’s just… cute.

 

“Well, what do you want to know?” Jungeun smirks, takes a sip from her drink.

 

“Let’s see… what’s your number?” There’s that playful look on her face again.

 

“My what?” Jungeun blinks.

 

Jinsol pulls out her phone from the pocket of her lady suit pants that she wears for her bartender uniform. She waves it around a little.

 

“Your number.”

 

Jungeun nods slowly, keeps the eye contact with Jinsol. So it seems that the time has come for her to make up her mind.

 

“Are you flirting with me?” She isn’t trying to state the obvious but rather trying to buy more time.

 

“You haven’t even answered my question but you’re already asking me another one?” Jinsol’s eyebrows meet. The look on her face is funny and it has Jungeun laughing again.

 

But that look doesn’t last and is replaced with a serious one as Jinsol carefully asks “But will it be okay? Will anyone get mad?”

 

It’s endearing and Jungeun has to bite her lip as she lays out the last of her defenses. “No, I don’t think so. At least, not from my side.”

 

“I don’t have a girlfriend either if that’s what you’re implying.” Jinsol says and she can see the truth in her eyes. At least, she’s honest but that’s something Jungeun already knows.

 

“I know you don’t.” She says. “You probably don’t do girlfriends to begin with.”

 

“Ah, so you know.” Jinsol smirks.

 

They’re on the same page now and both of them know it. Jungeun looks at Jinsol and sees clearly what she’s offering - a night of fun with no strings attached. It’s unfamiliar to her like everything with tonight, like everything with Jinsol. But isn’t that something like what she wanted? Nowhere near serious but just as passionate as with her, with Haseul .

 

It doesn’t take long for Jinsol to finally ask the question. “You wanna play?”

 

Jungeun drinks her beer bottoms up and finally decides.

 

“Your place is near here, right?” She asks as she gets up.

 

“Yes.” Jinsol replies, jumping to her feet too.

 

**& &**

 

Jungeun starts strong by pushing her to the couch as soon as they walk in. And Jinsol is not going to complain because the girl literally climbs on her lap and takes her face in her hands to kiss her in the mouth right after. It’s hot, hungry, and tastes of alcohol but it’s not sloppy and that makes Jinsol want to keep going even if they run out of air.

 

They eventually break apart but Jinsol makes wise use of that, pushes Jungeun back for a moment so she can see how she looks under the moonlight streaming in from her window. The _wow_ slips out of her mouth shamelessly because Jungeun’s skin just glows and the look on her face - brown hair messy, pupils dilated, nostrils flared, red lips slightly parted - is such a turn on. Her chest heaves with labored breaths and Jinsol is so tempted to get that shirt off her but no, not yet.

 

Jungeun pulls her close again, leaves no space between them and kisses her deeper, hands at the nape of her neck. Jinsol’s nose starts to picks up on an aroma, floral like lavender but with a hint of something spicy and earthy that absolutely drives her insane. She gets her fingers tangled up in Jungeun’s long tresses and the scent builds, drowns her in ecstasy.

 

It’s amazing how her senses are starting to get overloaded when it’s only been a few minutes and that speaks greatly of how good Jungeun is at pressing her buttons. This is more than the usual hook up for the night. This is pure attraction.

 

She tries her best to swallow back a moan but fails when Jungeun’s fingertips brush up the side of her jaw.

 

_Jesus, fuck, that feels so good._

 

Jungeun’s fingers go further up to her head, threading through her hair and massaging her scalp. She roams her hands free over Jungeun’s bare thighs and legs (Jinsol thanks the gay gods for letting her wear shorts today). Jungeun wraps her legs around her waist and grinds herself down on her lap and that is the last straw.

 

Jinsol wants her lying on her back, in her bed and she wants her there _now._

 

A part of her screams to take her then and there but she doesn’t want that. She isn’t going to do that. Jungeun doesn’t deserve dingy couch sex (no girl does but especially not Jungeun). She knows this might just end up being a one night stand but it still has to be perfect for Jungeun because she’s such a fucking amazing girl.

 

Jungeun pulls at her shirt, untucks it from her pants, and she takes that as the cue to finally scoop her in her arms and take her to the bed. She puts her gently down and as soon as Jungeun hits the mattress, she starts taking off her clothes. The sight is too much to behold that Jinsol feels her entire being burn with desire.

 

“You’re beautiful.” She mutters with no control over what her mouth says.

 

Jungeun looks into her eyes for a good minute and she wants to know what she’s thinking but the girl suddenly pulls her in for another kiss and begins to help her out of her clothes.

 

“I-” Jinsol wants to say more, wants to bring up possibilities but Jungeun puts a finger to her lips to shut her up again.

 

“No talking.” She says in a sultry voice. “We had enough of that earlier.”

 

Her shirt finally hits the floor, her mouth finds Jungeun’s neck, and she’s lost.

 

**& &**

 

Jungeun wakes up snuggled to the crook of a warm neck. Her head pounds painfully and she decides that it’s better to keep her eyes closed for a little longer. The pair of arms wrapped around her waist loosens and she groans, pulling it tighter against her. Haseul probably just woke up too and is on her way to the kitchen but she wants to cuddle some more- and she stops that thought.

 

Jungeun’s eyes flutter open and her mind registers her surroundings. This isn’t her room. Those aren’t her furniture. And the naked girl still asleep next to her is definitely not Haseul. _Jinsol_. It’s Jinsol, she reminds herself.

 

Jungeun quietly and gently disentangles herself from the long limbs and the carelessly thrown duvet. With no plans of waking the other girl up, she rolls off the edge of the bed, lands on the tips of her fingers and toes, and starts grabbing her clothes. She slips on her underwear, jumps into her shorts, and pulls her sweater over her head, all in the span of thirty seconds because she’s leaving ASAP.

 

She hopes she doesn’t come across as heartless because Jinsol’s a great girl. She was _damn good_ in bed and was fun to be with even without the sex, but Jungeun isn’t going to stay around to hear her rehearsed morning after speech. She isn’t going to risk hearing the awkward _hey, did you sleep well_ and _last night was amazing_ which she knows is definitely going to end with an empty promise of _I’ll call you_.

 

Jungeun would rather not be poetic but last night felt like an eclipse. A short-lived fantasy, an escape from reality, and a great memory that she would take with her to the grave. She does not want to ruin that so, with a final look at Jinsol (it’s a shame that her face is buried in the pillows because she wanted to get a last look at her beautiful eyes), Jungeun shows herself to the door.

 

The walk to the dorms feels strangely numbing as she wonders if this is what they call the walk of shame. There’s plenty of reasons for her to be ashamed, she knows. Letting go of Haseul is one. Running away from Jinsol without saying thank you or goodbye is another. But mostly, not knowing what the fuck she’s doing is.

 

She finds herself outside Jiwoo’s room instead of her own. Her hand comes to knock on the door and Jiwoo, already out of pajamas, opens it within a minute of her knocking.

 

“Jungeun?” Her eyes look her up and down. “Why are you still wearing your clothes from yesterday?”

 

“I just got back from… somewhere.” She mutters, gently pushes Jiwoo aside so she can enter. “Your roomie’s not here, right?”

 

“No, she went home to her family for the weekend.” She replies. “Is… is everything alright?”

 

Jungeun stares blankly at her but nods. “I just need some sleep. I’ll be fine. Please let me crash here for a couple of hours.”

 

“Oh, okay. But where were you?” Jiwoo asks as she pulls out the futons, blankets, and extra pillows Jungeun uses whenever she sleeps over. She makes a mental note to have those washed later.

 

“I was out all night. Tried to figure out what I wanted.” She replies, helps Jiwoo lay the beddings out.

 

Jiwoo looks at her with a small frown on her face.

 

“And did you figure it out?”

 

“No, not really.” Jungeun quickly says, plops down on the bedding with a tired groan.

 

Jiwoo sighs and settles next to her. She pats her head softly as Jungeun closes her eyes at the comfort.

 

“Although, I  think I know now what I don’t want.” She admits.

 

“That’s always a good place to start.” Jiwoo says softly. “Don’t stress on it now and just sleep. Sleep now, Jungeun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't come at me with rotten tomatoes. I know there's a lot of fuckgirl!Jinsoul fics out there but I couldn't resist writing my own.  
> So now, please listen and listen hard. I finished mapping out what I wanted for the entire series last night and it's looking very ambitious to me. Bascally, Lipsoul arc is going to intersect with Viseul's. There's a connection between Haseul, Yeojin, Vivi, and Hyunjin that I will intro in the next Be My Sun chapter and expand on in a one-shot after the Lipsoul /backstory/. For everyone's understanding, allow me to differentiate backstory from sidestory. Backstory is /how the characters met/. Sidestory is /what happens to the characters in roughly the same timeline as Hyewon's/ in BMS. I don't want to complicate things but I also really, really want to build so much on this universe. Hopefully, I won't lose any of you. Tbh, this whole series is great avenue for me to work on prompts I've always wanted to use so it's exciting and special to me. Annnd, I know it shouldn't be this serious so I apologize for babbling. Anyway, lemme know what y'all think. Okay. Thanks! Bye!  
> P.S. More on the series being an ambitious thing, updates might not come out as often from now on because I feel like I need to pace myself better. Otherwise, I'd burn out and turn this thing I enjoy into something dreadful.  
> P.P.S. If anyone wants to reach me it's @matchasn0w on twitter and cc


	6. You Know It Just As Well As Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A homie is going thru a lot *insert tired face emoji and fist emoji here*. Do excuse the errors. I will get around to editing those later. So without further ado, here's Lipsoul backstory part two~

“I told you _this_ was gonna bite you in the ass sooner or later.”

 

The glare that Jinsol throws at her best friend is immediate and she tries to lace it with as much hostility as she can. She asked her to meet because she was in need of some sympathy, not nagging. Sooyoung, of all people, should know how things have been for her for the past weeks. She should know what Jinsol needs. And right now, that’s not a lecture on her choice of lifestyle.

 

Since Sooyoung, her so-called best friend, sits across from her, it’s easy to see her get defensive over just one glare.

 

“What? Why? You know I’m telling the truth.” She says, takes a long sip off her peach iced tea, unabashedly trying to mark her point.

 

But Jinsol isn’t going to let her gloat.

 

“It’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think?” She grits her teeth and pulls her cup of hot chocolate closer, keeps it level with her face as she holds the glare. “It’s not as if you didn’t like it before.”

 

Sooyoung chuckles mildly at her obvious annoyance. She places an index finger and thumb under her chin and looks to the ceiling in a signature thinking pose.

 

“I wouldn’t say I liked it nor disliked it. It was just easy and convenient.” She shrugs.

 

At which point, Jinsol starts to wish that she can shoot laser beams out of her eyes, not enough to vaporize Sooyoung, just enough to spook her, but the taller girl speaks again.

 

“Anyway, it’s different now. I have Jiwoo now.” The contented smile that she gets when she talks about Jiwoo is there and Jinsol seethes.

 

For the past months, that look made her feel ecstatic and proud of Sooyoung, because she knows she deserves it. On the whole, she thinks she still feels that way over it because she’s genuinely happy that Sooyoung met her soulmate in Jiwoo. But right now, maybe she’s quite salty over it.

 

“Good for you.” She spits, puts her cup down, and leans back on her chair. She even goes far as to cross her arms over her chest to show her sulk.

 

Sooyoung chuckles again, clearly enjoying all the teasing she’s giving her (which is probably payback for the teasing she gave her when Sooyoung was pining for Jiwoo). But after a good minute, she drops the playful grin and lets out a sigh.

 

“It should be the same for you, Sol.” Sooyoung breathes, gives her a sad smile in place of the teasing. “Because, honestly, I have no idea how you can still keep up with this. I know you. Deep inside, you’re just... a big softie.”

 

“How exactly am I a big softie?” Jinsol asks, eyebrows raised in a challenge.

 

Sooyoung simply points at the huge dollop of whipped cream floating on her drink and looks knowingly at her.

 

Jinsol rolls her eyes in reply. “What does this even have to do-”

 

“Jinsol, it’s been two weeks since you slept with that girl whose name you won’t even tell me.” Sooyoung cuts her off.

 

 _Two weeks?_ It has already been two weeks since she met Jungeun? And she still can’t stop thinking about her to the point that she hasn’t slept with anyone else yet? Jinsol doesn’t understand how that could be when all she’s ever known are one night stands and the occasional booty calls. Is she perhaps getting soft like Sooyoung had said?

 

As if she could read her thoughts, her friend builds on her momentary silence.

 

“If you’re getting hang up on her like this, I think It’s safe to assume that your heart is telling you to stop with the flings.” She pauses, looks at her expectantly. “Should I set you up on serious dates? Jiwoo has friends and we-”

 

“No! I don’t want that! I don’t want to go on dates, Sooyoung.” Jinsol whines, but weakly, as she’s also bothered by what Sooyoung made her realize.

 

“Then what do you want?” She asks. Jinsol hears the slightest bit of exasperation in her tone. “You aren’t going to keep on whining to me for the next two weeks, are you?”

 

“No, I won’t. I, uh, hopefully, not. I… don’t know, Hasoo.” Jinsol mumbles as her hands wrap around her drink, her fingernails scratching the paper sleeve tensely.

 

She looks up at Sooyoung from her lashes, prepares herself for her bestfriend’s reaction over what she’s going to say next. “I… I wanna see her... again... if I can.”

 

Sooyoung blinks at her.

 

“Wouldn’t that be, well, difficult considering she didn’t give you her number? She just upped and left while you were sleeping.” And the meanie points out, but with a sorry look on her face.

 

Jinsol crosses her arms over her chest again, pouts some more as she frowns hard and fixes her gaze on the table. “I know her name and her major.”

 

Sooyoung looks at her with an eyebrow raised. “Are you saying you’re going to look for her?”

 

“Maybe…?” Jinsol replies, tries not to give away that she’s actually hopeful.

 

Sooyoung sighs and reaches for her hand to pat it. Jinsol looks back at her curiously. The taller girl then takes a deep breath before speaking.

 

“Sol, I really do think it’s great that you met a girl who made you feel something different but… what if it was just a one-night stand for her? You’re my best friend and I want you to be happy... I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

 

“You think I haven’t thought about that?” Jinsol pauses, gathers her thoughts before her mouth can start running a muck. “It’s… it’s fine, Sooyoung. I’ll be fine. I just want to see her one more time. Maybe if I do, I’d stop feeling weird about it, you know?”

 

And Jinsol really has thought about it. Countless of times, actually. Jungeun seemed far from the clingy type that would wake her with breakfast or some other weird domestic thing, but Jinsol had hoped that she would, at the very least, use her shower and wake her to tell her that she was going to leave, because leaving like that _hurt_. Not that it was the first time somebody did that to her (in fact, Jinsol had always preferred that they do) but Jungeun is special so her leaving the way she did took a hit on her more than she’d like to admit. Was the sex not good enough for her? Was she delusional in thinking that the two of them had this insane chemistry, that it was all one-sided? Jinsol hates it but Jungeun leaving like that shows that Sooyoung is very likely onto something, that it was just a one night stand to her. The thought makes Jinsol dejected and she can’t help but pout again.

 

The minutes tick by as her words settle in the air. Sooyoung doesn’t say anything and just looks at her. Jinsol wants to say something more, something that could get that half-worried, half-suspicious look off her face but Sooyoung’s phone suddenly rings and she never gets the chance to. Her best friend takes the call and, within a span of a millisecond, starts cooing _baby_ to it with a sweetness that rivaled that of the most toothache-inducing dessert.

 

Jinsol has to divert her gaze to the window in embarrassment but she can’t stop her ears from listening. Sooyoung sounds so elated. She doesn’t even have to look at her to know that she has the softest and shyest smile on her face. Her best friend, who she liked comparing to an elegant swan before, has now become a mushy teddy bear. Sooyoung has changed so much since the start of summer and all throughout the past semester. It’s a good thing, of course. Before she met Jiwoo, she was a workaholic and only really cared about winning in a life-long, head-to-head war over everything that she had with her sister. But now, she seems freer, happier, livelier. This Sooyoung, in front of Jinsol, is a different Sooyoung. She’s a better Sooyoung.

 

With this, her mind drifts off to some thoughts she swore she wouldn’t let herself visit. Twenty two is still too young of an age to think about settling down but maybe, just maybe, it’s the right age to consider something a lot less foolhardy than what she has right now. So, yeah, maybe she wants to feel the same kind of bliss Sooyoung feels. She has every right to, right?

 

Sooyoung finally ends her call with Jiwoo. Lips pulled to a really wide grin, she pockets her phone and gets up noisily which catches Jinsol’s attention.

 

“Listen, Sol, I have to go now. Jiwoo and I are supposed to meet at the library.” She sees the sad look on her face and pauses. “You can tag along if you want to. You haven’t really hanged with us lately and Jiwoo misses you.”

 

Now, Jinsol knows very well that she doesn’t want to be the third wheel. But she also knows that she doesn’t want to be alone so she throws her hat to the ring.

 

“Alright. I’ll come. But don’t get all touchy in front of me, okay? I’m... fragile.” She mumbles, pouts again.

 

Sooyoung gives her a sheepish look. “We’ll try but no promises.”

 

They head to the library in a comfortable pace. As they walk, Sooyoung puts an arm around her at an attempt to comfort her. But the moment Jiwoo is in sight, she practically runs to her, leaving Jinsol feeling lonely, cradling her to-go cup against her chest for some warmth. She doesn’t dwell on it though. Especially when Jiwoo, albeit a little red in the face, greets her with her usual bright as the sun smile.

 

The three of them find a corner table for themselves and settle on it quietly.

 

“She’s not here yet?” Jinsol hears Sooyoung whisper to Jiwoo, who shakes her head in reply.

 

“Who’s not here yet?” Her eyes dart between the couple in suspicion.

 

“Jiwoo’s friend.” Sooyoung answers. She narrows her eyes at her. “Don’t worry. We’re not setting you two up. At least, not this friend.”

 

It sounds fake and she feels wary so she takes sips off what’s left of her drink. When the look of innocence doesn’t budge off Sooyoung’s face, Jinsol decides she’s telling the truth, so she puts the cup down and opens her bag. She has no coursework to do but since she’s here, she might as well study.

 

Jinsol spends the next fifteen minutes perusing her notes from applied mathematics (what kind of dance major willingly takes a maths course? Only the craziest kind). It’s a subject she actually enjoys, so she gets deep into it that she fails to realize that Jiwoo’s friend had arrived until she hears another voice speak.

 

“Jiwooming! I’m here. Sorry. Did you guys wait long?”

 

_Jiwooming?_

 

The nickname and the voice sound awfully familiar. Jinsol lifts her eyes up in mild interest only to nearly go into fucking cardiac arrest upon seeing the newcomer.

 

“It’s okay, _Jungeunie_.” Jiwoo says with a wide smile. “Sit.”

 

The girl gestures to the vacant chair next to her and _Oh my god._ She isn’t dreaming, is she?

 

“Jinsol unnie, this is my friend, Jungeun.”

 

She has blonde hair now but it’s her. It’s definitely the same Jungeun and Jinsol has no need for introductions. It’s even more evident when Jungeun finally looks at her after her name is mentioned.

 

“Jungeun, this is Sooyoung unnie’s best friend, Jinsol unnie.” Jiwoo continues, oblivious to the way that both of their pupils are shaking as they stare into each other’s eyes.

 

“Hi. Nice to meet you.” Jungeun says after what feels like an eternity of just looking at each other.

 

The tension builds in the air and Jinsol feels like she’s going to explode. Sooyoung gives her a questioning look which she only replies to with an awkward smile.

 

“You know what? I think I’m gonna go to the washroom first.” Jungeun says as soon as she puts her bag down on the table. She waits for Jiwoo to nod before she stands and goes.

 

With how composed Jungeun is acting, Jinsol finds the mind to wait a minute before she too comes up with something.

 

“I’m parched. I think I need some water. I’ll go get some, okay?” She bullshits and follows the younger girl.

 

The washroom door closes behind her, swinging noisily on its hinges like a pendulum. When it stops, everything becomes so quiet that Jinsol can almost hear her pulse, directing the flow of blood through her veins. Jungeun backs away from the farthest cubicle after finding it empty. It’s clear that she had to make sure that they were the only ones in there.

 

“So…” She clears her throat. “You’re Sooyoung unnie’s best friend?”

 

“And you’re Jiwoo’s friend...” Jinsol replies, takes bold steps towards her.

 

“Well… this is awkward.” Jungeun holds her ground, gives her a sheepish smile.

 

It isn’t unusual for Jinsol to meet people she’s slept with on other occasions. Bumping to them in class is always weird because they become clingy afterwards. Running to them while walking on the street with some other new fling is tense. But coming across them on some other party or bar always means fun.  But this, what coincidence has brought upon her and Jungeun, is a totally different thing. This could only be fate. And frankly, Jinsol’s scared. How did she even go so fast from wishing to see her again to actually standing right in front of her (in a poorly maintained state-funded university bathroom too, of all places!). What does she even say to her now?

 

“It is… I guess.” Jinsol decides on that.

 

Jungeun raises an eyebrow at her but all she can think of is how good she looks with blonde hair.

 

“Well... what do we do now?” The younger girl asks her.

 

Jinsol has rehearsed this conversation in her head a dozen times. She’s thought a lot about seeing Jungeun again so even though finding out that she’s actually Jiwoo’s friend caught her off guard, she’s still prepared to plead her case.

 

“Listen, Jungeun. I know the whole thing is weird and awkward but I had fun with you that night and-”

 

She’s ready to spill the truth, that Jungeun’s been on her mind since then, that she thinks meeting like this could only mean that the universe is pushing for them to get to know each other more, but the younger girl cuts her off.

 

“I’d rather we don’t tell them about that.” Jungeun says and only then does Jinsol notice the steely look in her eyes.

 

She blinks, taken aback. “Of course! We won’t. I just-”

 

“Think that we should look past it?” Jungeun supplies. Jinsol wants to tell her that she got it all wrong but the younger girl isn’t finished. “I think so too.”

 

She’s stunned into silence. What’s going on here? Jinsol’s trying to bring up wonderful possibilities, a shot at something that Sooyoung and Jiwoo have, but Jungeun’s onto something else, something quite far from it. Did that night really mean nothing to her?

 

“I mean, we’re obviously going to see more of each other from now on because of our friends. I just don’t think I can handle it being awkward all the time so… let’s be friends?”

 

Jinsol stares blankly at the hand Jungeun extends towards her. _Friends?_

 

She looks back up at Jungeun’s eyes and she sees her own hesitance and confusion mirrored there. It isn’t hard to see that something is holding Jungeun back.

 

_Don’t worry. We’re not setting you two up. At least, not this friend._

 

The minute drags on and Jungeun looks so vulnerable standing there with her eyes begging for her to just take her hand so Jinsol reluctantly takes it, if only to not see her crumble.

 

“Yeah, sure. Friends.” She says, makes a mental note to interrogate Sooyoung over what she said earlier.

 

**& &**

 

Meeting Jinsol again, in that way, was uncanny. Well, Jungeun knew they would see each other another time because they go to the same university. But discovering that they had connections that run deeper was nearly on the same level of mindblowing as alien conspiracy theories. Their best friends are dating each other and the two of them happened to meet somewhere which led them to sleep together on the whim that they have no obligations of seeing each other again? That’s as neatly as Jungeun can put it, which is not neat at all.

 

Although it has been a while since their tensed fake first meeting at the library, specifically, a whole month had passed. So they’re over that awkwardness now. With there being so many opportunities for them to be in the same space, third and fourth wheeling for Jiwoo and Sooyoung on nearly a daily basis, it didn’t take long for them to feel comfy with each other again. And it wasn’t hard at all, given Jinsol’s laid back and fun personality. Jungeun just knows that even if they met on different circumstances (those that do not include sex), they would still hit it off and quickly become friends.

 

Anyway, it’s Friday night yet again and Jungeun does not want to her mind to be occupied with her and Jinsol’s weird beginnings. Although Haseul visiting her thoughts has become less and less these days and there weren’t any other incidents where she was desperate for company to get through the night, she would rather not have a dejavu or something. Since that night with Jinsol, she steered clear off bars and other places with liquor. Some might say that meeting the older girl like that wasn’t all that bad, especially because they’re good friends now, but Jungeun no longer trusts herself around alcohol.

 

Which is why it’s unfortunate for her that Joowon, Mark, and Jiwoo, tag-teamed into dragging her out of her dorm tonight for some drinks. What’s really surprising about that is seeing Jiwoo with those two because she’s been inseparable from Sooyoung since the start of the school year (when they began dating), which, frankly, is what made Jungeun agree to go with them. Never mind the fact that their favorite bar to hang at is dropping drink prices for more than half as a sort of ten year anniversary treat to the patrons.

 

As soon as they get there, however, the reason why Jiwoo’s with them becomes clear to her.

 

“Baby!” Jiwoo squeals, jumps into Sooyoung’s waiting arms.

 

Of course, where Sooyoung is, Jiwoo will go. Jungeun doesn’t have to look hard to know that Jinsol isn’t far off either. With each passing day, the three of them are becoming more and more like a package deal to her.

 

“Behind you.” Jinsol calls with a light laugh. She swerves around her from the back and places a bucket on their table. Once her hands are free, she turns to her and smiles warmly. “Hiya, Jungeun.”

 

“Hey, Jinsol… unnie.” She greets back. Jinsol’s round doll eyes sparkle with that familiar excitement whenever they’re together and Jungeun, like always, has to look away from the intensity of the stare.

 

Jiwoo slowly detaches herself from Sooyoung and turns to her just before they both sit on the booth.

 

“Before you say anything, this was all Joowon’s idea. Mark’s bringing his boyfie and Joowon’s bringing a new friend.” Jiwoo says, which explains the two’s timely disappearance.

 

Jungeun glares at her but still settles opposite from her. Jinsol squeezes in after her and it doesn’t take long for her to become aware of how close they are. Why couldn’t Jiwoo and Sooyoung just get a normal table instead of a booth?

 

“Jungeunie, we just thought that you needed to go out and socialize. I mean, you’ve been cooped up too long in your dorm. You’re not a chicken, you know?” Jiwoo continues, which keeps her distracted from how her heart practically jumps to 110 bpm over Jinsol’s knee accidentally bumping hers.

 

But the distraction doesn’t last long because the older blonde starts grabbing bottles off the bucket and uncaps them. She hands Jiwoo and Sooyoung one each. And when it’s Jungeun’s turn to get one too, she commands Jungeun’s gaze and hands the bottle to her with a charming smile. It occurs to Jungeun that it may just be Jinsol’s normal smile, and that it’s just her weird self who finds it endearing but whatever.

 

“See? You aren’t going to feel left out or lonely. We’re all _just_ friends here, Jungeunie.” Jiwoo says to prove her point after seeing their interaction.

 

It isn’t in Jungeun to argue so she picks up her bottle and drinks off it deeply.

 

“Whoa. Are you gonna be fine downing it like that?” Sooyoung asks her. “It’s going to be a long night, you know?”

 

She sees Sooyoung’s arm around Jiwoo and Jiwoo leaning comfortably against her body. It’s not an unusual sight. She and Haseul went on double dates with them back then so she’s seen them like this before. However, the striking difference from then and now is... Haseul. Haseul is no longer by her side. Haseul is no longer in her life. And no matter how much she misses her, she’s better off with someone else. Which makes Sooyoung right. It’s definitely going to be a long night. Jungeun becomes aware that she’s as a good as eating her own words from earlier but that’s fine, she can just chase those down with beer so she tips the bottle to her mouth again, effectively finishing her first drink for the night.

 

“You know what? We should get some food with these. How about chicken feet? Y’all good with that? Spicy chicken feet? Okay. I’ll be right back. Alright, Jungeun?” She hears Jinsol say.

 

She thinks she nods at that, but all she really feels is how empty their side of the booth is with Jinsol gone. _Great._ Now, she definitely needs more beer.

 

Joowon and Mark appear with their plus ones and occupy the booth just across from theirs. They, mostly Jiwoo and Sooyoung, trade introductions and small talk with the plus ones over the half meter that separated them. They talk of majors, classes, club activities, and other boring stuff that Jungeun can’t find in her to add her two cents on, even with Jiwoo shooting her looks. So, she settles for just listening and moving onto her next drink.

 

The mundane talk goes on for a while and Jungeun finally notices that Jinsol’s taking too long getting those chicken feet. She’s on her third bottle now and their bucket is looking rather empty. Sooyoung takes notice of it too because she makes to get up but Jungeun signals for her to sit back down.

 

“You can stay with Jiwoo, unnie. I’ll go help her. The line’s probably too long or something. This place is way too crowded tonight.” She says coolly, slides off her seat, and walks towards the counter.

 

It isn’t difficult to locate Jinsol. Her blonde hair and overall aura just makes her stand out anywhere. Jungeun knows that she isn’t the only one who thinks that way so it certainly shouldn’t surprise her that she finds her like that, surrounded by a gaggle of girls who look like they want to jump her with the slightest provocation.

 

Something akin to rage erupts inside of Jungeun’s tipsy brain and it for sure isn’t about the damn chicken feet. She marches up to her, about to give her a piece of her mind for making her and Jiwoo and Sooyoung wait and worry about her, but she stops when Jinsol turns to her.

 

The look on her face isn’t that of enjoyment or fun. In fact, she looks… uneasy.

 

“Jungeun!” She calls to her, relief evident in her tone as she breaks through the throng of girls around her.

 

She catches her breath first, grabs Jungeun by the elbow as if to steady herself. “I was just waiting for Jun to come back with our food. Sorry. Were you guys really hungry?”

 

“Uhh, no. Not really. I just came to… get you. Are you okay?” Jungeun looks over Jinsol’s shoulder, to the girls who are now looking daggers at her.

 

“I’ve been better.” Jinsol admits with a sheepish smile. “See, I was hoping to chat a little with Yeeun and Jun but they got busy with customers and… that happened but all I really wanted to do was grab our food and get back to our table.”

 

Jungeun looks at her curiously and she can’t help but to wonder aloud. “Does that not happen frequently enough for you to get used to it by now?”

 

Jinsol chuckles, looking a lot more comfortable now.  

 

“It’s complicated. I know I have a reputation but I’d rather not get smothered like that when I know I want _somebody else’s attention_.” She looks pointedly at her and winks.

 

Jungeun looks away, feels her face heat up.

 

Now, this is another thing because even if they agreed to be friends there are still moments like this when Jinsol is obviously flirting with her. It could just be her way of messing with her, but that doesn’t mean Jungeun’s heart doesn’t feel things.

 

Luckily for her, Junhui calls for them (his eyebrows nearly shooting off his face upon seeing them together) and gives them two baskets of spicy chicken feet and another bucket of beer. They carry both to their booth, much to Jiwoo and Sooyoung’s relief.

 

“Did they make you two catch the chickens before they could amputate their feet and cook them? What took you both so long?”

 

“Jun said they won’t have enough kitchen staff until the next hour so…” Jinsol shrugs, looks at Jungeun for support.

 

“Yeah. And I think there was some hot stud making the thirsty ones flock to the bar which didn’t help at all.” Jungeun casually serves and watches in glee at the scandalized look on Jinsol’s face.

 

“Hot stud?” Jiwoo asks innocently.

 

“Guys! These chicken feet are best eaten fresh off the oil!” Jinsol exclaims. She takes a plastic glove off the tray, grabs one of Jungeun’s hand and puts it on for her, and directs that hand to a piece. “Try ‘em now. Like right now.”

 

Sooyoung gets the joke within a couple of seconds and snorts. When Jiwoo looks at her curiously, she shakes her head at her and proceeds to feed her. Jungeun lets out a smile and genuinely hopes that it somehow buries the conflicting emotions that are starting to bubble inside of her.

 

**& &**

 

Jiwoo gets knocked out after the second bucket. Sooyoung, being the caring (also, whipped) girlfriend that she is, carried her on her back, and the two of them hopped on a cab back to the campus. Joowon and her friend left soon after. Mark and his boyfriend blended in the crowd hovering by the bar but neither Jinsol nor Jungeun see any of them for the rest of the night.

 

Looking at the dozen empty bottles and chicken bones on their table, Jinsol knows it’s time that they call it a night too. And with how Jungeun sits slumped on the booth, she can tell that she’s pretty much done with everything. She readies herself to ask if she can send her home, a witty remark and a pun on hangovers at the tip of her tongue, but she doesn’t get to say anything as a girl walks up to them.

 

“Hey, Jinsol. Are you and your friend done? Do you wanna come to my place tonight?” The girl leans over the table with a cunning smile. “Or if you prefer, I can come to yours.”

 

Jinsol blinks in surprise. She stares at the girl who looks familiar. She knows she did her before but she can’t quite remember her name.

 

It takes all of ten seconds before she feels an arm possessively wrap around her waist and pull her further into the booth. When she looks to her side, Jungeun, who looked so ready to pass out moments ago, now looks like she could be at least 80% sober.

 

“Unnie,” She coos in a cute high pitched voice that makes Jinsol melt. As if that’s not enough, she rests her chin on her shoulder and looks into her eyes when she says “Who is she? You said you were coming home with me.”

 

It takes all of her to look away from Jungeun’s gaze so she could check the other girl’s reaction. “I see how it is. Another time then?” She offers with a smile.

 

But Jungeun wraps her arms tighter around her waist and leans her head on her shoulder.

 

“Girl, I wouldn’t count on it. Now run along.” She adds.

 

The girl lets out a scoff but leaves just the same. When she’s out of sight, Jungeun slowly pulls away.

 

She scoots back and avoids Jinsol’s gaze as she busies herself looking for her wallet. “You can thank me later. Right now, I just... I wanna sleep.”

 

She looks up when she finds it in her jacket pocket, gives Jinsol a serious look “I’m gonna call a cab. You should head home too, Jin-”

 

She slides off the seat from other side and stands but enough is enough. She can’t just do that and leave.

 

Jinsol pulls her back by the wrist so hard that Jungeun falls on her lap. She stares at her in shock but Jinsol doesn’t let her speak. She brings their faces close together, cups her cheeks with both hands, and kisses her like how she’s wanted to over the past weeks - deep and desperate.

 

With what Sooyoung has told her, Jinsol knows that this is something they shouldn’t be doing but she can no longer deny what she feels. Especially not when Jungeun is kissing her back with the same, if not stronger, intensity. She knows, _she can tell_ , that the younger girl feels something for her too, so pretending to be fine with just being friends and resorting to flirtatious jokes is _killing her_. But it’s also clear to her that Jungeun is still hung up on her ex, so this is Jinsol completely throwing away her expectations of a sugary, rainbows and butterflies romance with her.

 

 _Fuck it_.

 

She wants Jungeun and she’ll take Jungeun in whatever way she can have her - a friend who’s also her regular drunken hook-up, someone to call at 2AM when she’s struggling with an essay for some coffee and a pep talk (with or without the quickie). _Fuck it. Fuck her feelings_. Jinsol has decided that whatever the hell Jungeun needs her for, she’s going to let her use her.

 

They pull apart and she looks into her eyes, searches those mesmerizing onyx orbs for any hints of hesitation or the even smallest smidge of objection. Jinsol finds nothing but the same desire that burns red inside of her, so without any questions, they get in the same taxi, tell the driver her address, and make out in the backseat for the whole of the ten-minute drive.

 

**& &**

 

A groan escapes Jungeun’s lips before she could even open her eyes. She holds her throbbing head in her hands and rolls to the other side of the bed in agony. Hangovers are the worst. And of course, it was her fault for drinking so much to the point that she was so hammered, she can’t even remember how she got home.

 

Her hands feel around for her favorite owl plushie, hoping that hugging it would give her some comfort. She reaches over the headboard, where it’s usually kept, but her hand only grasps air. She opens her eyes to look for it but ends up squinting in the brightness of the sunlight seeping in through the half-drawn curtains from across the room. Her eyes take in the minimalist deco furniture, the L-shaped couch, the hanging bookcase, the crystal bowl with a lone betta fish swimming in it. Her brain processes it all and

 

_Jesus, fuck. Not again._

 

Jungeun is quick to jump off the bed and collect her strewn clothes from the floor and under the bed ( _Jinsol’s bed_ ). She gets dressed in a flash and with each clothing article she puts on, everything that happened, from the taxi ride to getting here and after, comes back to her. Jinsol came onto her but didn’t she also made it quite clear to her that she wanted it just as much? _Again. Again?!_

 

What ever happened to her resolve of not resorting to something reckless for the sake of moving on or, even, simply getting through the night? And it had to be Jinsol again! They’ve gotten so friendly and now they’re back to square one?

 

“Oh, Jungeun! You're awake.” Jinsol’s voice sounds light and cheery for someone who just slept with a friend.

 

She scans her from head to toe in a casual manner before she asks. “Are you going somewhere already?”

 

“I was gonna go back to the dorm.” Jungeun admits, looks out the window as she’s too embarrassed to meet her gaze.

 

 _Oh, well._ Running away wouldn’t have worked anyway. Even if she successfully pulled another dine and dash, she will still have to see Jinsol the next day and everyday until one of them graduates.

 

“You don’t have to hurry, you know.” Jinsol starts, puts an end to her thoughts. “I mean, you can shower first or something. And I don’t want to brag but I make the best coffees for hangovers. You should have some before you go.”

 

The easy look on her face confuses Jungeun. What could that possibly mean? Is she not giving her the morning after talk? Is it because this is the second time now and it’s considered normal? But if that’s the case, shouldn’t there be more reason for them to talk about it because _it can’t keep on happening_? And why does it seem like she’s the only one freaking out about this?

 

“Uhh, Jinsol?” Jungeun bites down on her lip, slightly regrets letting her curiosity slip out. But Jinsol’s already looking expectantly at her, so she knows she can’t stop there. “About last night…”

 

Jinsol smiles, nods for her to keep going so she takes a deep breath and then gets right into it. “I’m sorry but it was a mistake-”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Jinsol abruptly cuts her off.

 

Jungeun looks at her so fast, she almost gave herself whiplash.

 

The easy smile from earlier becomes ambiguous. Jinsol holds her gaze for a moment before she speaks again.

 

“It was wrong of me to come on to you like that but I couldn’t help it, Jungeun. This thing between us is… it’s crazy. I couldn’t stop myself.”

 

Jungeun frowns at her words. “What thing?”

 

“The attraction. It’s... strange because I’ve never felt this with anyone before.” Jinsol’s eyebrows furrow and her eyes soften. “Judging by how you kissed me, I’m pretty sure you feel it too.”

 

Jungeun opens her mouth but closes it again. The older girl’s not wrong so what would lying do? And this is Jinsol. She deserves better than to be lied to so being honest could only be the best option.

 

“But the thing is... I was drunk last night. What happened wasn’t supposed to happen, Jinsol.” She mutters.

 

“I was drunk too. We were both drunk. But that doesn’t make it any less real, Jungeun.” Jinsol frowns at the floor and takes another deep breath. “Alcohol doesn’t change a person. It only takes away their inhibitions. Be honest with yourself, Jungeun. You know it just as well as I do.”

 

Jungeun takes a moment to herself. While it’s making her heart flutter to know that she made Jinsol, the player, feel real emotions, this just isn’t it. If she’s thinking that they can keep up something more than friendship here, then she has to know about Haseul and the state that Jungeun is in - not ready.  

 

“This can’t be. I can’t do this, Jinsol.”

 

And Jinsol surprises her again. It’s more than as if she can read her thoughts. It’s more like she’s anticipated everything she was going to say and has an answer prepared for it all.

 

“You’re not ready for anything, I know that too.” Jinsol looks into her eyes once more. “So this… whatever this is... _it doesn’t have to mean anything_.”

 

“Huh? What do you mean?” Jungeun asks, even more confused. “We’re friends! Friends don’t sleep with their friends, Jinsol!”

 

“Who says they don’t? You’ve never heard of fuck buddies? _Friends with benefits?_ ”

 

Jungeun blinks dumbfounded as Jinsol lets her words sink in, implications and all. When the silence has dragged on long enough, she clears her throat.

 

“Jungeun… all I’m saying is don’t freak out. It happened and we can’t undo it. I don’t regret it but I will if it ruins the bond that we already have.” She closes her eyes and chuckles weakly at herself. She shakes her head in disbelief. “You’re a really great girl and I… I like you and I enjoy your company very much. I don’t want to lose you.”

 

She opens her eyes and gazes into Jungeun’s sincerely. “Please believe me. I have no bad intentions towards you. I just want to be here for you. With or without the benefits, I want to be your friend, Jungeun.”

 

Jungeun looks back at her for a while until she gives up trying to put up a fight. The thing is she does feel something for Jinsol too. And she definitely does not want to lose her just like that when she’s one of the few good things she has right now.

 

“Yeah, I guess I want to be around you too. You’re fun to be with and you’re pretty cool.” She admits.

 

With that, Jinsol is able to smile again. “Great! In that case, let's be cool about it.”

 

“I made breakfast but if that scares you, you can go now and I’ll see you at the dinner with Sooyoung  and Jiwoo tomorrow.” She turns on her heel and heads to the kitchen.

 

“And what if I want to eat your breakfast?” Jungeun calls after her.

 

“Stay. It doesn’t mean anything. We’re just friends having breakfast together. Nothing special.” Jinsol replies, turns around, shows her a grin that finally convinces her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. I was supposed to update Be My Sun first but my brain somehow decided y'all are getting Lipsoul. I'm sorry but I have to work with what I could until I hit the highs again. N E ways, leave some feedback and encouragement, homies. *finger guns*    


	7. Call Me When You Get Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I've just been through hell. I'm not sure if I'm out of it yet, so please help a sister out. Bear with me for the next few weeks or months. Blease. Updates are gonna take Time but don't fret because I won't ever abandon this universe. Anyway, this is the promised intro/intersection of the Viseul, Lipsoul, and Yoerry arcs. Enjoy.

Yeojin looks out the window to see the usual Friday night traffic. Private and public vehicles surround the bus that she’s on, at all sides, as it’s currently stuck on the crowded main road. She wrinkles her nose in distaste. These traffic jams just get worse every week.

 

She looks over her shoulder, hopes that there was a vacant seat she had missed when she boarded, but she finds none. She turns back to the window again and thinks, it certainly would’ve been easier if her parents had let her and her sister rent out a flat closer to campus instead of having them commute an hour back and forth every day. She wonders if it’s because their dad’s a total cheapskate or if it’s because he’s really just that attached to their home and their neighborhood.

 

Yeojin ponders over this some more for the next five minutes which causes her to fail to notice that the bus had pulled up on a stop where a half-dozen people hopped off and another half-dozen got on. She’s just coming to the conclusion that it’s more likely the first reason (her dad’s the biggest cheapskate! He doesn’t even bring his car to work and carpools with Kahei’s dad as often as possible!) when she feels a tap on her shoulder.

 

She turns around abruptly, ready to throw a punch if needed, only to see Jeon Heejin smiling at her. Behind the theatre department’s star student stands Yeojin’s neighbor and childhood tormentor, Kim Hyunjin (also, Heejin’s girlfriend). Yeojin will never not find it strange how a barking weirdo like Hyunjin landed a popular, talented, and Russian royalty-looking gal like Heejin.

 

“Uh, hi?” Yeojin mutters, eyes darting from Heejin to Hyunjin who’s now scowling.

 

“Heading home now?” Heejin asks, brightly.

 

“Yeah. You guys too?” Yeojin replies, still wondering what this is about.

 

“We’re heading to Hyun’s, actually.” Heejin says, trades a gooey look with Hyunjin, which Yeojin tries to ignore (PDA is  _ gross _ , okay?). 

  
  


Heejin looks back at her as if she’s expecting something, making Yeojin wonder. She’s bumped into them on the commute several times already. If not on the way to uni, it’d be on the way back home. But they’ve never approached her like they did just now. 

 

“Anyway, since we’re going the same way, wanna sit with us?” Heejin says, finally cutting the chase.

 

Yeojin looks at Hyunjin for some indication that she’s in on what her girlfriend is offering her, but the older girl has already walked off to the other side of the bus where there are two available seats.

 

“C’mon, don’t be shy.” Heejin smiles again and proceeds to grab her hand.

 

The girl leads her to settle on the window seat and then debates with Hyunjin on who should take the other one. Heejin insists that Hyunjin takes it while Hyunjin argues that Heejin should be the one seated. Yeojin has to awkwardly watch them for five minutes until she decides they’re arguing for too long. She makes to stand and give her seat up to get them to quiet down, but Hyunjin sees her and frowns at her. 

 

“Sit your butt down, lentil bean.” The older girl says. 

 

Heejin looks taken aback at that but she recovers. “Don’t call her that, Hyun.”

 

“But I’ve been calling her that all my life!” Hyunjin defends herself,  shrugs.

 

Yeojin rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh. “Will one of you just please sit down?”

 

Hyunjin, being the taller and stronger one, utilizes that to her advantage, grabs Heejin by the shoulder, and pushes her to sit as gently as she can.

 

“Thank you.” Yeojin mumbles. 

 

Heejin gives her a shy smile while Hyunjin reaches for the handrail overhead. 

 

They don’t say much for the duration of the ride but the silence that lingers isn’t awkward. While the couple discreetly held hands, Yeojin resumed looking out the window.

 

The bus rolls onto far less crowded and increasingly familiar streets. Yeojin spots the noodle and congee house she runs to whenever her Haseul unnie gets sick. Now that doesn’t happen often but she remembers every single time she goes there. Call her paranoid but she never, ever wants to see her sister in pain if she can help it. Which makes her wonder if she’s ever getting back together with Jungeun. She liked Jungeun for her unnie. She knew Jungeun made her unnie happy and that her unnie made Jungeun happy too. But nowadays, whenever she brings it up, Haseul just tells her that it isn’t as simple as that. Haseul said that in time, she’ll get to understand why _.  _ Whatever that means.  

 

A couple of blocks ahead of the noodle house, the bakery where Hyunjin takes her to whenever her jokes come too far and she’s in need of redemption comes on sight. Her aforementioned childhood friend catches her eye and smirks at her as if  they were thinking of the same thing. As they grew up, Hyunjin having to bribe her with bread to make her stop crying became less and less, but it’s still a fond memory. Call her easy but she always did forgive Hyunjin for whatever nasty prank she pulled on her regardless of what baked thing she buys her. Deep inside, she knows it has nothing to do with her being easily placated, but rather it’s because she knows that Hyunjin truly does care about her. She just has a weird way of showing it. 

 

Some more blocks past the bakery is the turn that leads to roller skating rink where Kahei worked part-time every summer. Yeojin never did understand why the older girl had to work there. It’s not like she needed the money. Her family’s filthy rich (they live in the biggest, fanciest house within a six-block radius and had a handful of helpers running around their mansion). But whatever the reason is doesn’t really matter to Yeojin because she enjoyed all the times she, Haseul, and Hyunjin came to the rink to bother Kahei when she was on duty. Call her boring but she’d always pick hanging out with her people in that dusty, smelly roller skating rink over anything anytime.

 

They finally reach their stop and Yeojin puts a cap to her reminiscing so she can follow Hyunjin and Heejin as they hop off the bus. They walk the last couple of blocks leading to their street in deep silence until Yeojin decides to break it.

 

“Hey guys, would you rather just commute like this everyday until you graduate or would you get a dorm or flat that’s closer to campus for convenience?” She wonders aloud.

 

Heejin looks at her, thinks. “Mhmm. The convenience does sound appealing but I like going home to my family still.”

 

“Yeah, same for me. I like coming home here. I get to see my mom, my dad, and my brothers. And I don’t have to cook my own meals either.” Hyunjin adds the last part cheekily, making Heejin laugh.

 

“That makes sense.” Yeojin says, nods.

 

“Well, this is us now.” Heejin says as they come to a stop in the walkway leading to Hyunjin’s front porch. “Bye, Yeojin! See you in class!”

 

“Yeah, bye, bean.” Hyunjin calls in a nonchalant tone that is betrayed by the familiar amiable sparkle in her eyes.

 

Yeojin waves to them both before she runs the last few meters to their house. She sees the lights turned on in the living room but still bothers with using her own keys to let herself in instead of ringing the bell. She’s tired and she’d rather not risk getting an earful of from her mother tonight ( _ I’ve told you time and time again to always bring your keys with you! _ ). She steps in the hallway and her sister rounds the corner.

 

“Oh, you’re home.” Haseul says, frowns. “Did you walk by yourself? I keep on telling you to call me when you get off the bus so I can meet you at the corner store! Do you know how dangerous it is-”

 

“I didn’t walk alone, unnie!” Yeojin cuts her off. “Hyunjin unnie and her girlfriend got on the same bus as me and we walked together.” 

 

Haseul closes her mouth. Yeojin stares at her, challenging her to say more and she does look like she wants to, but Kahei comes out of the kitchen holding a bowl of popcorn.

 

Yeojin’s feet move of their own accord. Before she knows it she’s ran the short distance to embrace her favorite neighbor. 

 

“Unnie! You’re here!” She exclaims in delight. 

 

“Aww, Yeojinie. I missed you too.” Kahei chuckles as she hugs her back just as tightly. “Even though we totally saw each other in campus earlier.”

 

The sight of them being clingy with each other has Haseul shaking her head, but there’s a smile on her face that doesn’t waver that has Kahei raising an eyebrow in her direction. For something to do, Haseul takes the bowl of popcorn from her and leans against the wall behind her, allowing Yeojin to steal Kahei’s attention again.

 

“Have you had dinner?” The older girl asks her as she pulls away a little, to look at her face better. 

 

Yeojin shakes her head, drops her arms to her side, and steps back.  

 

Kahei exchanges looks with Haseul again. “You go eat. Auntie left some beef stew for you. The two of us already ate.”

 

“Oh, right.” Yeojin turns to her sister this time. “Where’s mom and dad?” 

 

“They’re on a tennis club thing with Kahei unnie’s parents.” Haseul replies. “Well, grab some food. We’re about to start a Brooklyn 99 marathon.”

 

Upon hearing that, Yeojin drops her backpack on the floor and runs to the kitchen. When she’s supplied with a bowl of rice soaked in stew, she pads to the living room hastily, but she stops in the hall after hearing her phone vibrating inside her bag. She takes  it out of the front pocket and balances her bowl of food in one hand while taking the call on the other.

 

“Hello?”

 

_ “Well? Are you home now?”  _ Comes an impatient voice from the other line.

 

Yeojin winces. She forgot to call again. “Oh, yes… Yes, I am.”

 

_ “I told you to call me when you get home! It’s past nine! Do you know how worried I was getting?” _

 

“Uh, I literally just got home.” She reasons but weakly.

 

_ “And were you just about to call me?”  _ The caller presses on.

 

“ _ Yerim unnie _ ,” Yeojin pauses, takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry but I’m hungry and it really hasn’t even been ten minutes since I got here.”

 

_ “Hmph. I knew it. Remember to call as soon as you get past your front door next time, okay? And don’t forget to bring an extra shirt to change into for tomorrow’s rehearsals, alright? We plan to finish the entire dance routine for Act II by sundown.” _

 

“Yes, yes, I will.” Yeojin chuckles. “Are you… are you with Jinsol unnie right now?”

 

_ “Yeah. We’re with her friend. We just had dinner together and the two of them are dropping me off.” _ There’s a pause in the line, some scuffling, and then she hears Yerim laugh.  _ “Jinsol unnie says hi and that she’ll see you tomorrow so you better perfect those spins she taught you for Born To Hand Jive.” _

 

Yeojin smiles because she can just picture Jinsol trying to take Yerim’s phone from her. She doesn’t say anything and just takes the moment to listen to her best friend’s breathing from the other line. It’s a pity that Yerim seems to have other things to do.

 

_ “Anyway, that’s everything. Gotta go now. Good night, Yeojin.” _

 

“Yeah, okay. Good night, Yerim unnie.” Yeojin says, tries not to feel too regretful when the older girl hangs up. She stares at her phone screen for a bit until Haseul impatiently calls for her.

 

“Yeojin! Hurry up! We all have to be seated for the opening!”

 

“I’m coming!” She slips her phone in her back pocket and makes a run for the living room again.

 

“And don’t leave your bag in the hall. Your mom’s going to flip.” Kahei reminds her.

 

She turns right back, grabs her bag, and slides it to the back of the couch. She then vaults over the furniture and plops down on Kahei’s other side just as Haseul presses play on the remote.

 

“You better be careful with that. I will not cover for you when mom asks why the sofa’s stained with dinner.” Haseul warns her with narrowed eyes.

 

“As if you won’t.” Kahei mumbles under her breath with a slight shake of her head.

 

“I heard that.” Haseul replies, pokes Kahei on the side.

 

Kahei catches the girl’s hand, mid-poke, with her own. “Haseulie, just admit that you’re soft for your sister.”

 

Yeojin lets out a _hah!_ and snorts into her food while Haseul rolls her eyes at Kahei.

 

A minute passes where they just all stare into the television screen with dumb smiles on their faces.

 

“You’re lucky I love you both.” Haseul finally says. 

 

Yeojin puts her bowl on the coffee table and tackles both her and Kahei in a hug.

 

“That’s so soft!” 

 

“Get out of here!”

 

“Can we watch the show? Can we PLEASE watch the show?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, I planned to release this back to back with the first part of Viseul backstory, bc I felt like it's much too short to stand on it's own? However, September turned out to be a whirlwind of chaos for me. Had a major block and stuff. And so, I ended up releasing this without Viseul Part 1 (progress is super slow. I'm only halfway through and I started writing that early Sept). Well, I'm hoping that my decision to do this helps me fall back into the ol' writing routine. Hyewon is coming along too, don't worry. So yeah, let me know what y'all thought of this. Also, I'm sorry about disappearing. Thank you all.


	8. I Love You Anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! it's been a while and i've got a valid explanation for that, but first, here's a 2jin side-drabble (because the viseul backstory is taking longer to write than i expected).

There is soreness on Heejin’s shoulder that won’t seem to go away, regardless of how much she massages or stretches the tensed muscles. A frown must’ve been evident on her face over it because Yerim pats her back to grab her attention, giving her a concerned look.

 

“You okay, Heejin unnie?” The younger girl asks, inclines her head to the side.

 

Heejin beams automatically at her concern. “Yeah, I’m good! Just feeling a little beat up in places. Nothing that a couple of patches won’t fix.”

 

Yerim returns her smile and nods in understanding before she promptly turns to her friends, Yeojin and Chaewon, both of whom are standing at the foot of the stage, backpacks on and ready to leave. 

 

“Well, we should probably head home now.” Yerim mutters. “Unless... you’re going somewhere?”

 

“Oh, nah. I’m going straight home.” Heejin replies.

 

On top of her exhaustion from a full school day plus rehearsals, Hyunjin’s also too busy to do anything with her tonight. Her girlfriend had texted her earlier to tell her that she was staying on campus for another hour of training, urging her to not wait for her and to go on ahead without her. While she finds that it’s always a bit regretful when they don’t get to spend time and head home together, she understands that Hyunjin has to work her butt off to secure a win in the regionals.

 

“Ah,” Yerim’s voice breaks her off her thoughts. “That’s good. Get some rest and we’ll see each other tomorrow, unnie.”

 

With a smile, Heejin watches as the younger girl bounds off the stage and joins her friends. 

 

“Great work today, guys! See you all in class!” She bids them goodbye, waving to them.

 

Yeojin smiles widely and nods to her, while Yerim waves back with her usual undeterred energy. And Chaewon… Chaewon just gives her a blank stare, eyes flitting away to look at the doors shortly after. 

 

Heejin doesn’t think much of it. The girl does seem to be on the shy side, unlike her two hyperactive and extroverted friends. And honestly, she kinda reminds her of Hyejoo. The thought brings a smile to her lips as she sees them head for the doors to leave. 

 

She becomes all too aware that the auditorium is quickly emptying. Since she doesn’t want to be the last one out, she hurries, cramming everything in her bag and speedwalking up the aisle and out the exit. In her haste, she almost misses the person standing off to the side, just outside the auditorium. Luckily, the familiar mustard yellow gym bag hanging on the girl’s shoulder catches her eye (it was a gift from her, for their first month together). Seeing it, she slows down and does a double take.

 

Hyunjin meets her eye and lifts a hand to lazily wave at her. It’s the bare minimum but a huge smile stretches across Heejin’s lips, and she practically bounces her way toward her  _ girlfriend _ . She’s not gonna lie, that word still sends butterflies to her stomach.

 

“What are you doing here?” She asks, taking one of Hyunjin’s hands and enveloping it with both of hers. “Hmm?”

 

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything. Instead, she simply offers her a small smile and throws an arm around her to pull her into a hug. Heejin is quick to melt in her hold, wrapping her arms around her waist and burying her face in the crook of her neck, like it’s the most natural thing. And maybe, it is. 

 

“I thought you had extra practice.” Her voice is muffled against Hyunjin’s neck but she’s sure she heard her, because she hears the girl lets out a sigh.

 

Heejin waits for her to reply. When a whole minute passes and she still hasn’t said a thing, she makes to pull away. But Hyunjin’s hand cups the back of her head, locking her in place, keeping her in her embrace.

 

“Hyun?” Heejin calls her name and giggles at the feeling of familiar warmth spreading from her chest to the tips of her fingers and toes. 

 

Strangely enough, she feels her tiredness drain away. Her shoulder even feels better now.

 

She hears another sigh, and finally, Hyunjin replies. “Can we just stay like this for a little longer?”

 

Heejin’s heart picks up speed after hearing those words because this is... something new. Hyunjin hardly ever initiates  _ anything _ . Not that that’s a problem. It’s just a little surprising. But she isn’t going to complain about it, so she sings her  _ okay  _ and sinks deeper into her. 

 

Her eyes close on instinct and her head comfortably settles against Hyunjin’s chest. The slow and steady motions of her breathing match that of hers and she holds onto Hyunjin tighter, feeling more and more at home in her arms with each second that passes.

 

Hyunjin lifts her head a little, leaving some space between them, but just enough to allow her to rest her chin on the top of Heejin’s head.

 

“Hey, Heejin?” Hyunjin’s voice comes out breathy and low, as if Heejin wasn’t already weak in the knees from everything that’s her. 

 

“Mhmm?” She hums, unable to form words.

 

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin says and Heejin pulls back. 

 

She looks at Hyunjin’s face and sees the crinkle of frustration on her forehead and the helpless droop to her eyes. Both of it makes her feel like she’s suddenly doused with a bucketload of ice water. 

 

“For what?” Heejin puts on a calm exterior but deep inside, she’s shaking with anxiety.

 

“Just… for everything.” Hyunjin answers. She takes a deep breath before she continues. “For not remembering our one month anniversary. For still teasing you a lot by not doing that heart thing you want us to do when we take pictures. Also, for taking a bite out of your bread when you’re not looking and then not giving you any of mine. And… and for… for being  _ me _ .”

 

Her gaze drops to the ground and the fear in Heejin increases tenfold.

 

“What are you talking about, Hyunjin?” She grasps Hyunjin’s arms and tries desperately to catch her eye, but the girl’s adamant on not looking. Panic starts to seep in and she can’t take it anymore.

 

“Hyun, please, you’re scaring me.” She confesses in a small voice.

 

That seems to get to Hyunjin.

 

“I don’t mean to scare you, Heejin!” She quickly says, finally meeting her eyes. “It’s just… ugh. See? I can’t seem to do anything right!” She grumbles. The angry step she takes back speaks of her frustration with herself.

 

“What’s wrong? Please tell me.” Heejin’s eyes soften, now more worried for her girlfriend than scared for herself.

 

Hyunjin takes a deep breath. It’s easy to tell that she’s gathering her courage, so Heejin holds her ground and waits for her.

 

“I… I guess I just want you to know that I’m sorry because... I’m not very good at this girlfriend thing yet.” Her eyes lock onto Heejin’s and she can clearly see the vulnerability there. “I make a lot of stupid mistakes but I’m trying not to. And I promise I’ll try a lot harder for you because I want you to be happy.” 

 

She cups Heejin’s face and smiles at her weakly, begging softly. “I’m dense and slow but… I hope you can be a bit more patient with me, Heejin.”

 

Heejin finally lets out a breath and returns Hyunjin’s weak smile with one of her own. 

 

“Oh, Hyunjin…” Hyunjin looks at her with her big, brown eyes and Heejin sees herself reflected there - looking so hopelessly endeared. 

 

She laughs lightly and wraps her arms around Hyunjin’s shoulders, pulling her down. 

 

“What’s going on? Why are you laughing?” She asks, sounding like a confused child.

 

“You’re being silly!” Heejin pulls back and pokes Hyunjin on the cheek. “None of that matters to me, Hyun. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

And it’s the truth. Hyunjin might be clumsy and fumbles a lot with navigating the girlfriends territory, but it’s alright. Because Heejin is too. She’s just a little bit better at hiding it but the thing is, they’re both still learning and that’s fine.  

 

Heejin receives a pout from Hyunjin in reply. Something about the sad, apologetic look in her eyes gets her to realize that she should no longer hold herself back. 

 

“I’ll be here for a long time.” She breathes and rests her forehead against Hyunjin’s, preparing to voice out what she’s been thinking about for the longest time already. “I promise, you don’t have to worry about any of that, Hyun… because I will still love you anyway.”

 

Hyunjin is quick to close the small distance between them, capturing her lips in a kiss that’s sweet and short, making Heejin’s knees feel like jelly.

 

A minute passes where they both just stare at each other, too caught up in the depth of their emotions and the gravity of their confessions. When they recover enough, Hyunjin is the first to say something.

 

“And I love you too, Heejin. That’s why I’m going to do better for you.” 

 

When she says it, there’s that same determined sparkle in her eyes and it just makes Heejin swoon.

 

“I know, Kim Hyunjin. I know.” She giggles. Her cheeks flush pink as she admits another thing. “Not that it isn’t nice to hear you say it.”

 

“Then I’ll say it more often.” Hyunjin smiles, and this time, it finally reaches her eyes. 

 

Heejin pulls back to see that smile better, settling for holding Hyunjin’s hand.

 

“Shall we head home now? Your parents are probably wondering where you are.” She leads the way down the street. 

 

Her eyes refuse to look away from her girlfriend, allowing her to see the small smile forming on Hyunjin’s lips as she replies.

 

“Actually… I already texted them that I was going to sleep over at your place tonight.” 

 

Upon hearing that, Heejin immediately feels her face flame up. It doesn’t take long for alarm over her own reaction to overtake her. And when it does, she quickly finds that there’s one more thing for her to worry about.

 

“Okay, when I said sleep over, I really meant that we’re  _ just _ going to  _ sleep next to each other _ .” Hyunjin says, mouth hanging slightly open, scandalized.

 

Heejin kind of wants to let go of her hand and ran away in embarrassment. But she doesn’t. She knows she needs to clear things up.

 

“Well, of course, I knew that! I wasn’t expecting anything like that!” She exclaims defensively. Her gaze drops to the ground and her voice becomes small again. “I was just hoping that… can we cuddle?”

 

She looks back up to check for Hyunjin’s reaction - the girl has a feigned look of resignation on her face and is shaking her head in disbelief.

 

“It’s not like you’d be able to keep your arms to yourself. I don’t remember having a sleepover where I didn’t wake up to you being all over me.” She catches Heejin’s eye and she squirms. “Also, I recall a handful of times that I felt you inching closer when you thought I was already sleeping.”

 

“I can’t help it! You’re really warm and cuddly.” Heejin mumbles. A thought hits her and she fires back. “And besides, it’s not like you didn’t  _ always  _ snuggle back!”

 

Hyunjin’s expression becomes blank and Heejin smirks in satisfaction.

 

“...I never said anything about not liking it.” Her girlfriend admits.

 

Heejin narrows her eyes at her. “So what was the point?”

 

Hyunjin lets out a hearty chuckle, then, without warning, she plants a kiss on Heejin’s cheek.

 

Heejin’s eyes widen at the surprise attack, but Hyunjin only grins cheekily at her and squeezes her hand tighter. 

 

For a moment, they just walk in satisfied silence, stupid smiles on their faces, fingers intertwined, and hearts thrumming the same love song. The feeling carries through, even when Hyunjin speaks again. 

 

“Hey, Heejin?” Her voice sounds a lot lighter now.

 

“Yes, Hyunjin?” And Heejin can’t help but to echo it.

 

“I’ve got a stargazing activity on campus this Sunday. It’s for drawing class but I’m sure it’ll be fine. Do you wanna come with me? We can have dinner beforehand and make it a date?” 

 

Heejin takes one look at Hyunjin and the nervous but charming smile on her lips, and she knows that she doesn’t even have to think about it. In a fluttering heartbeat, she answers.

 

“Sure, Hyun. I’d love to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay! congrats to 2jin for graduating high school!   
> okay. let's get right to it. sorry for the lack of updates. i haven't had much time to write over the past couple of months because ya girl got a new job, like full-time. hhhhhhhhh. well, that and i had trouble with the viseul first draft. i ended up scrapping the whole thing because it felt uninspiring to me. the good news is i am now working on a new draft and am more or less halfway through it. so like always, i'll ask you beautiful people to please bear with me. i've said this before, and i'll say it again, i have no plans of abandoning BMS or this, the BMS b-sides (term was coined by good friend @bettaowl; shameless plug, y'all should check out their new lipsoul college/fantasy AU, co-created with @k_morpho UwU). anyway, you don't have to worry about that. now, thank you for being so patient with me and i'll see y'all in the next update (which is gonna be viseul for real, this time)!  
> P.S. i changed my twitter handle to @bluekwrites. my cc is @matchasnow. if anyone wants to reach me.


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